I am hanging in there...but
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| Tue, 10-04-2005 - 9:34pm |
It's been hard. Today I talked to my sister and she was talking about my mom and I was too but I started to shake all over like I had been out in 30 degree weather for an hour without a coat. My bf said he was going to help my sister move some furniture, we are really all she has. She has no friends because her alcoholic and posessve(sp?) byfriend made sure of that.
I don't know how I will handle it but I feel I have to help my sister. I know i will not be visiting her much for awhile while she is living in my moms old apartment. I just can't be doing that right now. I see my pdoc and tdoc thursday. I drank one beer but didn't drink anymore last night. I went with my bf today to the house he is trying to sell that he fixing up. I spent 6 hours there with him. It helped. I am going to have to accept I will be this messed up for awhile. I am going to have to somehow live

You're on the right path...you are in the acceptance phase...and accepting is just part of it too...i don't know the right words to tell you, i've never been there...for once, i can truly say, i don't know how you feel...but i know it must be the hardest thing you have to ever experience and i wish i was there with you to hold your hand...know that i care and that i am with you in spirit...okay? its not much, but its everything i have to give...
You are loved and cared for here, and you always will be...knowing that makes you never alone, tina...ever...when you're feeling alone, reach out to one of us...okay? i've given you my number, you can post here, talk it out on the computer...it helps...know that we are holding you up.
I know you will get through helping move the furniture...it might be really hard afterwards, but don't you DARE do anything rash...you go home, you relax...take ONE or TWO xanax if you need to, and make sure Billy is THERE with you. If you're feeling very unstable you pick up the phone and call me. I don't care what time it is, or if I am at work...my cell is always on and always with me. I need you to be okay, so you call if you aren't feeling safe.
You'll get through it like you always do. But you won't drink or drug...you'll find it deep within yourself, that inner strength that we both know you have. Okay? Please promise me that you will be safe.
Check in later.
Love you.
Tina
Don't put a time line or even think about how long its going to take to deal with your mom's death.
God could not be everywhere, so