Traci
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Traci
| Thu, 10-06-2005 - 8:09am |
Whassssup witcha? Haven't heard much from ya and I am gettin worried.
Talk 2 me.
Love ya
k.
| Thu, 10-06-2005 - 8:09am |
Whassssup witcha? Haven't heard much from ya and I am gettin worried.
Talk 2 me.
Love ya
k.
met w/ tdoc last night and for the first time in a long time left there feeling worse than when i went in. i'm exhausted and all i want to do is sleep. depression is playing a big role in that and tdoc said i need to fight that and make the phone calls i need to make to get things going on the ex thing. so i've got some phone numbers for people that i'm going to be calling this morning.
i guess i just haven't had much to say that i haven't said 1000 times before. i hate bp, i hate the fact that i let the ex do what he did to me in the divorce.......not to mention the marriage. just not feeling real good about me right now.
how are you doing? things still ok?
love ya,
traci
Traci
I'm so sorry...still wish there was something I could do...and please don't think you can't vent even tho its the same thing over and over....that's what we are here for.
we love you, you will get thru this !!!
God could not be everywhere, so
well, got really down again for about 24 hours, now i'm freaking going thru the roof! i'm a bit toooo manicky...oh well. its better than being depressed. i know how to restrain myself, i just might talk a lot today!
i'm sorry you're still having a rough time...and donna is right in everything she said...do you know how many times i say the same things over and over and over and again? talk...i'll just force you into it then...
and get freaking mad!!! it will help...you ARE angry, let it out, in a safe way, of course...but get mad at him...get BACK at him...make those calls.
love you too.
thanks donna. i've made the 2 calls i needed to make and now it's a waiting game. not one of my favorites.
i just feel like if i let myself get psyched about this i'll get kicked back down so hard and so fast that i won't ever come back from it. it's hard enough pulling myself out of where i'm at right now. i don't even want to think about it being worse.
my thoughts are all screwed up and the 'noise' is back in my head. i'm so sick of all of it! i just don't know what to do with it all anymore.
thanks for listening though.
hugs & love,
traci
thanks keli. i just don't know what to say anymore. i'm sick of the friggin meds that don't seem to work. i'm sick of the noise in my head, i'm sick of my ex, i'm sick of the mass confusion that i seem to be stuck in, and i really really HATE the thoughts! and you know the ones i'm talking about. they get me into serious trouble and right now i can't afford that!
if i could just go back about a month when i started the depakote and was stable (if not a bit manic) for those 2 weeks or so! but then i got confident and brought all this crap down around me with xdh. why couldn't i have left well enough alone??? why couldn't i have waited until i was concretely stable???? nope, not me......i just sounded the horn and said CHARGE!!!!!!! now i'm paying for it.
aside from you all here, i feel totally alone in this for the first time. i don't like the way that makes me feel. anyway, that's about it for now. i did make the calls and now i'm waiting to hear back from someone. more waiting....yippee.
thanks for listening.
love ya,
traci
all i can say is...i know exactly how you feel...i wish none of HAD to know how that feels...but we do. sad as it is...just try to do your best to hang in there...and don't give in to the thoughts...i had some REALLY REALLY bad thoughts myself just this morning...it was all i could do to stop them, but that was a story for another board...lol.
but the point is, i DID stop them. and so will you...somehow, someway, HOWEVER.
i went from manic to depressed to manic all in a span of about 24 hours. i'm manic now...that's what started my "thoughts", and they got very close...but i did grounding, deep breathing, whatever it took...smoked ciggarettes...yeah, i should quit, but so what, i can't right now...i'm cycling like mad...but i can deal with my cycling...i know how to do that...i'm USED to that...its the 2 month long downs i CANNOT handle.
hang in there...i know you can...
love ya
i really wish i shared your strength and optimism! my quit was successful for about a week then it got totally blown out of the water. tdoc seems to think that may be for the best right now. i disagree and keep kicking myself over that which i know isn't helping, but.........that's my next battle i guess if i survive this one. i've actually set up an appt w/ my family doc to discuss acupuncture for smoking cessation. she's a pretty liberal doc, so i'm hoping she'll go for it. if she refers me, insurance will cover it.
anyway, i just guess i need to wait to hear back from the e.a.p. people and see if they can help me at all with the legal crap. and go from there in some direction.
thanks again.
love ya,
traci