I am ashamed - Triggers
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| Thu, 10-06-2005 - 12:41pm |
There are triggers in this post so please do not read if you are in a bad place.
As I have said in my previous posts I am struggling with dark thoughts. My pdoc has changed my medications around and I have been in close contact with my therapist. My therapist had me sign a contract a while back regarding harming myself my safety. I usually place a high value in contracts that I have signed.
I met recently with my therapist and left there feeling more hopeless than before the appointment. So I was alone with my thoughts and instead of doing what I had been told to do, which was to call her if I needed, I did something that violated blatantly my contract. Now I am afraid of what will happen if my therapist finds this out.
thank you for letting me post here.
mauimomma

i know you place a high regard on contracts but i am sure your therapist has anticipated this event.
please call her.
now.not later.
Okay, so you stumbled and let yourself and your tdoc down--you aren't the first and I'm sure won't be the last.
I think Susan is right in that you SHOULD CALL NOW and not later. those bad thoughts can be made to go away...there are meds like Abilify, Geodon...antipsychotic meds, that can help them dissipate, or at least decrease a great deal...Seroquel is okay for it too, but you have to get to a pretty high dose, and it usually makes you pretty sleepy. I take Risperdal for my thoughts...it works well, and isn't as sedating. I tried both Abilify and Geodon and couldn't take either one, though I know people who SWEAR by them.
I would call, confess and ask for help. You can't keep going like this much longer, Maui.
You need some help, and its time that you did what you needed to do to get it. I'm so sorry you are struggling. Its not any fun.
Hugs
Keli
Thank you all. I wish my last appointment with my therapist had gone a little better than it did. If it had, it would be a little easier for me to call her about this now. I am not sure exactly what happened in the last appointment but I left her office feeling very agitated and eager to be out of her presence.
My doctor has me on a combination of medications. I have tried the abilify and the geodon and I too was unable to take them. Seroquel is one of the medications I am on along with trileptal, depakote and wellbutrin.
I understand a hospital might be worth considering at this point. However, there are certain aspects of my situation that just do not allow for this. I have to find a way, somehow, to not allow this to happen again. Going into a hospital right now would destroy certain
I am so sorry you are still struggling like this...wish there was something I could do.
But all the posts you have received so far are right...you need to call tdoc and let her know what is up.
God could not be everywhere, so