My best friend's H
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| Sun, 12-05-2010 - 2:42am |
We were celebrating my BFF's birthday on Saturday and her H, who i have known for 15 years, and saw as a brother, cornered me in the bathroom and told me that he "is sexually attracted to me" (gag, gag) and "was thinking that we could maybe have an affair" (gag x infinity). I COULD NOT BELIEVE what i was hearing, i have never flirted with him (I'm not flirtatious), i never had a dday so no-one knows that i'm capable of an A, my BFF is the most beautiful person in the world in EVERY way, he is chummy with my H. I was in a state of shock and panic, i quickly responded with "that would NEVER happen" and i ran out of the bathroom. I'm wondering although i wasn't discovered, do i have the scarlet letter A imprinted on my forehead? Am i letting out that vibe?
I woke up this morning, with a clearer mind, we had all been drinking, and the thought of last night's events is making me very nervous, and sick to my stomach. My dilemma is what do i do from here? Should i call him up and tell him that i am disgusted with his disrespect for my H, my BFF and me? Because i was in the state of shock that i was in, i was totally unguarded and i left the conversation as "that would never happen", nothing more. I really want him to know that it is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE, and how dare he.
There is also the dilemma of should i tell my H? and my BFF? Our families are always together, we also have a planned summer trip away in the next few weeks. I will now feel very uncomfortable around him. If i did tell my H and BFF

I would feel like I had to tell in this situation.
Vanessa,
I had the exact same thing happen to me years ago.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Good food for thought.
I agree, think carefully before acting.
My response was based on *my* experience and if I knew then what I know now I would and should have gone to both my H and his W.
Another thought is to tell the arrogant jerk that if he so much as looks at you the wrong way you WILL go to both his W and your H.
First let me say I am so sorry you have to go through this as you surely do not deserve it, nor do you have a scarlett A on your forehead.
V888, I am sorry you find yourself in this delicate position. I doubt you are sending out A vibes, so quit thinking you some how attracted this type of behavior. You most certainly did not.
Regarding how to handle the situation: I agree that only you know the personalities involved and that you need to do some heavy thinking before doing anything.
I put myself in your situation (in my head only)
Vanessa,
While you don't have the Scarlett Letter imbranded on you - and you CERTAINLY do not deserve nor need to take responsibility for OTHER's behaviors towards you - i at least think it's good that you question the message you're sending. That way - if you have any loose boundary messages you're sending (to anyone) you can learn how to firm those up.
You have set the new boundary between you and this jerk. As long as that boundary was set strong enough he will not cross it again. If he does, then you will need to reset it again by whatever means necessary.
Telling your H might just bring some very unwanted macho aspects into this. I don't see anything good by doing this.
Telling your BFF will only put a dent in your relationship that can never be fixed. I don't see anything coming from this.
If you did the right thing, you have nothing to worry about. It's over.
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
Mia, Renewal, WIWWM, Always, Cait, Newlife, RBM.
Thank you so much for your time and worthy advice.
I have thought about it long and hard, and as much as i would love to take the honesty approach ie. tell my H and BFF, because if it happened to me i would like to know (I know i'm a hypocrite)