My Son, Rapid Cycling...Etc...
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| Fri, 10-07-2005 - 7:53am |
Okay...life pretty much sucks for me right now...I'm trying very hard to stay positive, so I probably shouldn't have even said that, but its truth...so why lie?
My son is almost 15 and in his first year of high school. For those of you who don't know, he was dx'ed severely ADHD when he was 4 and medicated until he was around 11. Once I was dx'ed with BP, and started really knowing what was going on with myself, I started noticing that he pretty much acted the same way I did when I was manic...so I watched and watched and watched...and now I know without a doubt that he too is BP. I've talked to him about it and tried to explain it to him many times...and he pretty much agrees with me that he is BP. We have not gone back to his child psychiatrist though for meds or an official dx because he wasn't out of control. He never experiences the DOWNS. He's always pretty much UP or goes through rages. He does MANIC well. LOL. I know its not funny, but I have to find SOME humor in this or I'm going to lose my mind. I've been crying all morning. Okay. When he's up, and happy, I don't worry about him as much. But something really traumatic happened to him two days ago and I'm scared out of my mind because he is now depressed and down and sad. One of his really good friends died suddenly after school on Wednesday. He told me about it, and I kind of brushed it off and didn't really believe him, because (another of his lovely traits) he is always telling lies (what he calls "jokes"). So I didn't try to talk to him about it at all. So he comes home yesterday and brings an 8x10 memorial picture the school did of him and gave to the students in his class and shows me. I totally froze on the spot. I told him I was sorry. He just went back upstairs, then to a friends house. He came back home, got ready for football practice, I was outside, he came out there to put his pads on...I had to get on to him about his smart mouth, and he said, leave me alone, i was crying all during second period. He never cries. I know that crying is a normal reaction to a good friend's death. But he's acting more withdrawn too.
I am at a total loss here. I'm so totally rapid cycling too. 24 cycles. At least 3 swings during that period. Manic, depressed, manic...I'm down right now, waiting for the cycle up...I have meds to increase to try to control the cycling some, but I'm so in a downswing right now, and I don't want to get STUCK here...
I'm so worried about my kid now and I am the one he got this stupid freaking disorder from and its doing a real number on me right now...seeing my always happy go lucky, manicky kid, depressed is breaking my heart to pieces. I can't stop crying and I'm sitting here at work, in an office that I share. That's just lovely.
I have mentioned meds and pdoc to my kid and he is totally against it. How do I force him if I think he needs to be forced? He's bigger than I am now. I hate to force him into these stupid damn meds anyway that don't freaking work half the dang time.

Damn...what can I say? I am sorry you are going through all of this, but you kick butt! You are at least trying to stay strong, and that is awesome. I know that when my kids father died, they never really showed much emotion outright, they were a little more emotional than usual and got angry more, but they also are much younger. I would just try to talk to him about it, leave the meds and everything out of it for now and just let him get his feelings out about his friend and how he is feeling, and why he feels that way(is he scared because he could die just as easily, is he sad because he never got to say goodbye etc) I talked to my kids so much about their dad and how they felt about it after he died, that one day my son looked at me and said "mommy, why are you talking about daddy so much?". I guess I expected more reaction than I got, so I wasnt sure what to do, but I would go by his cues, you know your son and you know when and how to talk to him, so just go with that.
As far as you are concerned, I am right there with you on the cycling...I have been up and down and up and down and up again since Wednesday night, so thats what...5 swings in about 36 hrs. You are allowed to be worried about your son, you are allowed to cry and be upset about his welfare...so what if you are crying your eyeballs out at work, tell them to kiss your butt, you have a reason and a damn good one at that. Just try to stay strong and keep posting if you need to, I know that I will be here off and on most of the day bc I am studying for the exam of the century, but I will check in more often now that I know you are having such a rough time of it.
If there is anything I can do to help let me know k?
Rebekah
omg (((((((keli)))))))) and some ((((((((((hugs)))))))) for ds too. i don't know what to tell you sweetie. i know that my ds is always "joking" with me too, and it gets so hard to know when truth is coming out of him. and i know you are sitting there beating yourself up over not believing him..........STOP!!!!!!! you have apologized to him and made yourself available to him. has he ever lost anyone close to him before? i don't know maybe you and dh could sit down with him and talk to him about it?
and after this has had a chance to settle, maybe you and dh can approach him again about a pdoc? like i said, i really don't know. i didn't really give dd a choice initially but hers manifested as depression and she didn't fight me on it.
i really wish i had something more that i could offer you. but know i'm sending p & pt your way.
love ya,
traci
Keli,
I am probably going to overstep on this pretty badly, so I apologize in advance...
If you suspect your son is BP, you really should have him evaluated by a professional... even if he doesn't really want to go (I don't know how you would get him to do this, as I am fully aware, it is extrememly difficult to help someone who doesn't want help)
But if he *is* BP, then early diagnosis and early intervention with meds could save him tremendous heartache down the road. It is a known fact the BP gets worse as you get older, and worse with every cycle.
On the other hand, if he never has 'down periods' then he may not be BP and may just have ADHD, as you mentioned (it does carry on to adulthood for many folks) or maybe even just normal 'teen-age boy' periods of rebeliousness (I am NOT trying to diagnose, just my thoughts) but it would probably be good for both of you to know for sure?
Also, it is normal to be sad, withdrawn and upset after the death of a friend or family member. There is no 'correct' length of time for this, but if he is in serious distress, that is just another reason to get him evaluated and get him help.
Sorry if I'm off base on this, just wanted to offer suport and ideas.
Catherine
Keli,
Don't beat yourself up for not believing DS about his friend--it would be hard for anyone to believe a teen would die suddenly even without your son's history of "jokes".
((((((((((((((keli)))))))))))))))) just wanted you to know i'm thinking of you and ds before i have to head back to work. hang in there. k? keep us posted.
love ya,
traci
Keli,
You didn't know how serious your son was about his friend passing away and I wouldn't put guilt on yourself for that. Just like everyone else has said you need to take your son to see a pdoc soon. tell him you want to take it one step at a time and first just go see the pdoc and then take it from there. My dd wouldn't stick with tdoc or pdoc either and maybe she would have longer if she had stayed with me.
I wish you all the best on this and you know I love you and I am with you in spirit. Many hugs to you. Keep us posted.
Tina~