Who do we talk to about....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Who do we talk to about....
3
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 8:14am

....not having BP anymore?

I wish it were that easy!!!

I did not have a good weekend...I hate my dh, but bless his heart, he only just doesn't get it, and is frankly as tired of it as I am. My mood was down all weekend. I decided one night, Friday night, to not take my meds (except Lamictal since I am titrating up on that one) and see what happened...BIG MISTAKE! Saturday, I was worse...still down, but soooo agitated, anxious...and irritable. Then my dh decides to get in a mood of his own and get all quiet and stressed with me...it rolled over into yesterday...I woke up yesterday feeling a little better BP wise, but with a huge Fibro flare...pain all over...so I was complaining about it last night...he made the comment that I needed to smoke a cigg cuz I was about to get on his nerves with all that...OMG, i totally lost it...i mean, ya know, i am the one who has to LIVE WITH IT! i was so freaking mad...i finally told him he hurt my feelings, and apparently, EVERYTHING hurts my feelings...but he was sorry...a$$...whatever...he slept the entire weekend, and I was so bored and that made it worse...then he wanted to have sex and i am so not interested right now, especially with my cycling, and the fibro...i told him i can't help it all right now...he said he wasn't mad, but he was...this was friday night, and then he acted all quiet and different the rest of the weekend...the way he acted kept making me feel so incompetent, and bad...and insecure...like he had to ENDURE ME...and i don't EVER want or NEED him for that...i took care of my damn self for years and i don't ever need a MAN to TAKE CARE OF ME! ya know? i hate feeling that way...but that is exactly how he made me feel...i will admit that i was probably over reacting, and my thoughts and mood cycling made it all worse than it really was...paranoia was pretty bad this weekend too, especially after i skipped my risperdal too.

i would give anything to not be this way...and there is SOOOOOO much i don't complain to him about...so i told him last night i wouldn't say a freaking word to him about any of this...why do the people we need the most turn away from us eventually? all my friends have done it too...its like they can't stick it out...

oh well...

i'm trying to have a better day today, now that i'm not at home with him today...he is always so supportive of me, and it hurt even more that he was so disappointing...

i hate this all so much...i will never get off this freaking roller coaster and i don't want to have to learn to live with it.

i know this is a very self pitying post, so please forgive that...i just needed to talk it out, nobody has to respond...just needed someone who does understand to hear me.

p.s. i just figured out that i have pms...lovely...is probably why i feel so crazy, down, and out of sorts...ugh. i have a 10 day horribly long and horrid pms...hormones really mess me up! actually, its pmdd that i have...i always forget that its coming...i finally started trying to keep up with it...risperdal messes it up a bit, my hormonal cycles, and i have felt a bit crampy all weekend too...oh well...at least maybe this is why??????

love and hugs,

k.

Avatar for momtwofourboys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 8:34am

sorry to hear about your bad weekend. I know that people who dont have bp dont understand it. I wish they did. Your dh having a bad weekend has got to be hard on you. Take care and try to have a good weekend.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 9:22am

ah sweet keli...i swear sometimes we are twins..and so are our dh's !!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 9:27am

((((((((((keli))))))))))) i know how you feel. when i was married to idiot boy, if things didn't go his way, he took it out on me. omg, he was such a baby! there is a lot