How to protect yourself from yourself???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
How to protect yourself from yourself???
3
Tue, 12-07-2010 - 2:47pm

After being these 3-4 weeks out NC, I've come to the realization of why I never kept NC until now.

I was just reading Alway's post, and I'm telling you, the tears were flowing! I know EXACTLY why I am sad. My sadness has nothing to do with XAP, but with the knowledge that with the end of my A, it is also the end of being able to open up and actually SPEAK to a man, and have him LISTEN and SPEAK back!

I CRAVE and LONG FOR attention from my H! I want him to listen to my soul and understand what I'm saying to him. I want him to care about my crazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 12-07-2010 - 3:24pm

Feeling, I am hearing you loud and clear, sweetie. Glad my post could help you see that this is about you and not missing xAP at all.

I'm not sure what the answers are, my friend. I think over many years of being together that the passion just wanes. The day-to-day routine takes over. We lose sight and touch with our spouses. Anger and resentment over the littlest dang things start to build until we become volcanos and eventually errupt. Everyone says marriage takes hard work, and I can certainly see that, especially given where I am now in mine.

Or

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 12-07-2010 - 4:38pm

If you think you had passion during your A, let me tell you that you can have passion x 100 with your DH if you and him invest in each other. Your DH knows you and your body inside and out and he can do a much better job at igniting passion if he and you are totally invested than someone you have only known for a short while. Remember that it is easy for someone to come into your life, listen ocassionally and then leave to go home to someone he is really invested in in RL. Since your DH knows that you had an A, now would be the best time to tell him that you need him to meet your emotional needs. Lay your head in his lap, let him stroke your hair and tell him exactly what you need. Remember that you withdrew from your M during your A and you hurt him terribly. He is probably gun-shy and has his wall up. Trust me, girlfriend, you don't need an A to have the passion you want and crave, you can have an even greater passion in your M.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
Tue, 12-07-2010 - 5:40pm

Thank you Always for commiserating with me and making me chuckle (the "ho" comment..lol :smileyvery-happy:)

No, it is not XAP we miss, but what they offered us. So, in a way, I guess it IS XAP we miss? Catch 22 I guess.

Thank you Mom for your input. I HAVE tried all those things you mentioned with my H. He just in no way can bring himself to show affection in that way. I will often grab his hand just to hold when we are walking, and it gets all sweaty, and he can't maintain a hand-hold for more than a few minutes!!