Tina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tina
2
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 12:32pm

How are you, sweetie? Just check in with us when you can, okay? We all miss you and hope you're doing well this week. Sending you strength and peace...

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
In reply to: keli003
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 2:26pm

I don't really know how i am doing. I keep riding on this rollercoaster. Yesterday i went to a festival with my nieces and I had an ok time, but I find it hard to have a real good time without feeling guilty. It's so hard to go on with my life witout my mom and feel good about it. I know she would want me to. I once asked my mom about 4 months ago, "What will I do when you die?" I knew my mom would die because of her smoking but I just didn't know it would be this soon, but in away I was just waiting for it because i knew how bad her emphysema was and her ending up in the hospital in ICU 3 times this year, also her still smoking was poison to her lungs. Anyway, her reply to me was you have Billy. I guess she really trusted him to take care of me. He's not doing a bad job. I know this isn't the bereavement board but i feel comfortable telling you all how I feel about my mom dying. I hope that is ok. I know it has been almost 2 months and i keep going on with it. I hope I am not getting on anyones nerves.


My niece who is 3 told me yesterday that she loved me and I almost cried. It brought tears to my eyes. It seems so different when a child tells you they love you then when an adult does. It really touched my heart.


Here I am on meds to the max. I don't know why I have to be on 600mgs of lamictal. That is outragious. I am somewhat scared of being on that much of a siezure med, I know they treat BP with it, but it still scares me.


I miss my dd too so bad and I feel like a stranger to her. She doesn't call and she doesn't ask to spend time with me. I have reached out several times and she barely responds. My tdoc says I need to e-mail her and tell her if she wants to call me or get together I am here for her but I am leaving it up to her. I know my dd loves me but i feel like she doesn't like me. I have lost my mom and I feel like I have kinda lost my dd and I have moved in with Billy, his son and brother.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 2:50pm

Tina,

Of course we don't care about what you talk about!!! Get that thought out of your head. Something is defintely up with you, I can tell the change in your 'tone' if that makes any sense. Could be you, could be meds, could be just everything...but definitely we don't mind anything at all you talk about! And don't worry about babbling, lord knows I do it tons!

600 mgs does seem to be a hefty dose of Lamictal, but its not an unheard of dose either. Talk to your pdoc next visit about your concerns of being on so much...its obviously a concern that needs to be addressed with him.

I would most DEFINITELY email your dd, just like your tdoc says, okay? At least then you've reached out and left the ball in her court. She's a teenager and even though my son lives at home with me, I barely see him, and rarely spend time with him, if ever. So, send the email, just to let her know you're there for her.

You're doing just fine...don't put a time table on anything, okay??? You don't have to.

Love you,

Keli