So, I kept my cool....
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| Tue, 10-18-2005 - 8:05am |
Yesterday when I got home from work, I had to take my ds to get a hair cut...as you all know, we have rage issues, both he and I, and together sometimes it gets pretty volatile. Well, I get home, we get in the car, and everything is okay. Then he says, "when are you going to get another car (a sore issue with me)" and I said, I don't know sometime...he said well you need to hurry up and I said don't worry about it, and he said, I'm just trying to help you and I said, (admittedly sorta snippy) DON'T HELP ME! So, this makes him very angry. We stop at the gas station and I hand him $20 and say go pay for the gas, he ignores me. A second time, I say go pay for the gas very calmly, he ignores me again. A third time, I say go pay for the gas very calmly, but this time I say, if you do not, then i am not taking you for a hair cut. He threw the $20 bill back at my face and said "i don't care if you don't take me for a hair cut, i'm not going to pay for the gas". So, I get out of the car, pay for the gas, pump the gas, go home, and make him go to his room. His dad disconnects his cable from his t.v. so he has nothing to watch in his room for the night.
But through it all, I didn't lose my cool. Usually I'd have been screaming by that time.
The bad part is, I know he deserved his punishment, and my dh and my mom said he should have gotten more, but I FELT GUILTY! Why is that??? Gosh! I felt bad for the little brat.
Now, leading up to this in the last couple weeks, he's told me that he has to "approve" his Christmas presents before he gets them. That if he gets F's (he's getting 2 I found out yesterday) on his report card, its my fault because I didn't provide him a room with a DESK in it to do his homework...its also his teacher's fault because she's crazy. I told him none of these reasons were acceptable and he would be grounded for 6 weeks...no cable, no XBOX...
So, my kid is SOOOOO incredibly spoiled these days...the Christmas presents thing REALLY got to me...I told him that he would blame NOTHING MORE on ME ever again. ITS NOT MY FAULT!
Am I right?
I've about had it with him. I know teenagers are tough to raise, but my gosh...this is so out of hand!

Of course you are right !!!
God could not be everywhere, so
hi babe...
i don't have much to add, but
way to go!
love ya!
(((((((((keli))))))))) first of all, you are absolutely right! you are the parent, NOT ds! the guilt you felt about the haircut thing is coming from a couple different places.
*1. You are a mom. and *2. you both have add/adhd (not sure which) and quite possibly you both have bp which makes you that much more in tune to what he's doing, why he's doing it and knowing that it's this blasted illness half the time, not the person.
my 15 yo dd gets on my last nerve from time to time and i just want to throttle her (well, all three of the kids here and there) but then i feel guilty about stuff 'cause i KNOW where it's coming from.
the thing is, as parents, we have to stick to our guns, punish when they need to be punished, and teach them how to deal with their issues. ds is trying to manipulate you. i agree w/ donna........Christmas presents? What Christmas presents??? that will settle his butt down. and as for school..........i'm having trouble with dd still with algebra, but until she is willing to take some initiative, i'm not lifting another finger. i've done all i can do, the rest is up to her.
so, there's all my arm-chair psychobable;) take it for what it's worth. but know this, you did the right thing and you even kept your cool! teach me how to do that will ya? ;)
love ya,
traci
Hi Keli! My kids aren't teens yet, but they already know how to push those buttons and bring me to my knees. Yea! for you for not losing your cool thru the haircut incident. And yes, I absolutely agree you did the right thing grounding him because he expressed so much 'tude.
My kids are really very spoiled, but so far they have alot of gratitude. My kids' issues are also so much different and if you remember my story, my DS8 is physically handicapped. I guess we spoil them to try to compensate for the challenges they've been faced with.
I could definitely see my DD11 blaming the lack of a desk on bad grades, though LOL. Totally irrelevant. You need to share a story that back when you were a kid you did your homework by candlelight after walking 10 miles home from school, all uphill...
Love, Mo.
he's told me that he has to "approve" his Christmas presents before he gets them. That if he gets F's (he's getting 2 I found out yesterday) on his report card, its my fault because I didn't provide him a room with a DESK in it to do his homework...its also his teacher's fault because she's crazy.
oh my gosh! I wouldnt be able to deal with that calmly at all....haha I still have babies and am not calm. IMHO, the xmas gifts, are just that GIFTS, if he doesnt deserve them, he shouldnt get them. He most certainly shouldnt approve them first, wtf? granted hes old enough to know what he wants and doesnt want, and I personally think gift cards are perfect at his age, there is no waiting in lines to return stuff that way. My dad would take me to the store and tell me to pick out stuff I wanted, and then go back and buy a few of those things I picked...but I never knew which things I would get. But I never ever ever gave him any sort of attitude about it if I got anything else either, if I had, he may not have given me anything at all. I dunno, I dont celebrate Christmas but we have a holiday where the kids all get gifts, and I know even at 5 and 7 if my kids said what your ds said. They would know they werent getting a single gift. Stand up to him Keli, you are the mom and the boss. You birthed him, gifts are not mandatory, they are given at the discretion of the giver.
the stuff about the desk is just ridiculous, it is in no way your fault. I never once had a desk growing up, still dont have one now, and I got straight A's in school...he has a bed and a floor and libraries have desks if he thinks he needs one to study :)
Anywho, sorry if that sounds harsh but dont let him get away with this crap
Love you
Rebekah
Keli,
Give yourself BIG points--aren't teenagers fun!