I need a hug
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I need a hug
| Fri, 12-10-2010 - 8:19pm |
I wasn't going to post this out of respect for the newest newbies, but then thought there might be others like me (8 weeks out) who might be feeling the same way, too. Plus, I thought, maybe this is normal part of the healing cycle?? Insight by those further long is greatly appreciated.
I am struggling today. I am missing him to the point that I have an ache in my heart. I have not felt like this in probably 5 weeks. I really, really thought I was doing great as far as he goes. I thought I had already nailed down my issues and because of that, I thought I would no longer "need" xAP.
I am feeling blue this week. Part of the reason is that one of our

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BIG HUG TO YOU!!!
It's very hard, I know.
(((((((ALWAYST2))))))))),
My sorta sister in recovery :+)))).
Always....
BIG
Always, I was just thinking about what my Aunt told me once when I was having a bad day a few months after D-Day.
Always, you are just so lovely and kind and I am hugging you right now.
big hug. I'm at a loss right now myself but I'm reaching out with whatever energy I have right now to you Always. I wish I knew what to tell you.
You ladies are absolutely amazing. I really needed each one of those warm, love-filled hugs. Thank you so much.
It is hard for me to ask for help from others, but I am getting better at it.
First off....((((HUGS)))
Now, down to business. When we experience a personal loss AFTER we have had other losses we haven't yet healed from, the mind/body connection experiences another jolt to the system. We want to run from the pain, so any past comfort zone, even destructive ones, come to the forefront of our minds. I know of several times I wanted to turn to Xmm when I didn't want to deal with spmething heavy in RL, but then I would think...wait a minute...that door is locked. Time to move onto plan B. So, I would turn to my BFF, or to my daughter who I can share anything with. You just find another alternative; one that is not going to cause you more pain or harm.
Renewal was 100% right in what she wrote to you. (Great post, BTW) You have a lot on your plate right now, Alwayst, and it can feel like the walls are closing in on you. Just keep in mind that it will pass. We all have bad days, and sometimes even weeks, but you have your family, your health, and a whole new year to look forward to. So, my dear, try to get out of your own way. The last thing you want to do is trip over your past and hurt yourself again. And about that missing him....hmmmm...what you are missing is how he made you feel (when there was a good moment or two). There was also a lot of pain and disappointment going on at the same time, remember??
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So let them go. Find a place of solitude and have a good cry. It will lift this emotional weight you are carrying around, and I guarantee that you are going to feel much better.
(((Hugs)))
((((((((((((((((ALWAYS))))))))))))))))))))
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