This is where I'm at

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
This is where I'm at
6
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 11:42am

Hi everyone,


I hope you all are well. As usual I haven't the energy or time to keep up with the posts. I'm having trouble keeping up with my own boards.


I'm depressed it's official. I've spend 3 out of the last 4 weeks crying.


The flashbacks have been frequent and severe.


I'm always afraid and jumpy.


My meds are still the same for now. I see pdoc tomorrow. This week I've already seen d/c, tdoc and ODSP (disability). My appointment with my disability counsellor (d/c) focused much on anxiety and fear because I was terrified according to her when I got there. I did a bit of visualization and that helped a bit but my body wouldn't stop shaking.


My appointment with disability went okay. As much as they tried to prepare me, I didn't have everything I needed.

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Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 11:49am

I so wish I could do more than offer you hugs. But that is all I can do. That and tell you that you are worth everything and loved. Please take better care of yourself. We love you. Keep us updated. Let us know if there is anything we can do.

Missy

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 11:53am

Amanda!!!

I hope you are still here and reading this...you ARE WORTHY! I hate to hear that you are struggling so badly, but I knew it already. I can tell from your posts lately. I didn't know the extent though. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have enough courage and strength to tell your pdoc just how badly you are doing. You're coming off a med that you really need a replacement for. Talk about the Lamictal, though its going to take a long time to kick in. Talk about Lithium, something in the meantime. Okay?

You promised me you would be eating. I know its hard to eat. Believe me, I know. I've not yet eaten anything today and didn't plan on it either. But if you will eat, I will eat.

I care about you so much honey and I want you to be happy and well. You must be honest with pdoc about how you're doing in order for this to happen. Don't do what I did and continue to suffer. You don't have to. Just go in pdoc's office and say, this is how I feel and I can't take it anymore. Help me.

I am there with you in spirit and I always am.

Love you.

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 12:43pm

(((((Amanda)))))


You KNOW this deep down, but just want to remind you---You are a WONDERFUL PERSON!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 1:39pm

(((Amanda)))


I'm so sorry you are having a rough time right now.

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God could not be everywhere, so

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 12:00pm

Thank you all for the replies. I will be back with more of a reply later. You made me cry, telling me how loved I am, but then again everything makes me cry right now!


I'll be back later.


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Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 4:25pm

A further update:


I had my pdoc appointment today. I told her that I was really anxious and using a lot of ativan (rx'd by my family dr) and she took it away from me. She seems to think I have a tendency to get addicted to things. I am so freaking out about that. I want my ativan. It really helps my panic attacks. I figure that I am just having a rough time and will go back to using it infrequently when that subsides.


We decreased my epival to 250mg. I'm almost off of it yay! I just want to be done with it.


She added clonazepam instead of the ativan and I'm supposed to take it every day, well I don't see how that is any better than taking the ativan as needed. I think she got the impression that I was taking it more than i am. At least with ativan PRN there are some days I don't take it. (other days three times a day). So now I'm taking yet another med every day. I don't see the benefit there.


I got back my tests this week that I thought I failed and got 50 and 74% on them. I also got 19/25 on my lab assignment. Still not great but at least I didn't fail. I still am a little discouraged because I need an 80% average for teacher's college. I wrote my last midterm today. I don't know if I passed that. By now I'm sure you're saying that's what you said about the other two that you passed, but I really don't know. With the other two

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