Trying to get out!!
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| Mon, 12-13-2010 - 3:15pm |
Hello all,
Hmmm…never posted before and kind of nervous. I have a husband and two young adult daughters, and have been married for 26 years. I have been in an affair with a co-worker for 3 years. But he has recently left our company and gone to another, telling me it is “for us” and that we can’t really be together and “accepted” if we are working together. He has been married for 20 years, no children. This is his third marraige. In the early stages of our affair, he took off his wedding ring, slept in another room, looked for apartments, etc. That was three years ago. He told me that he’s sleeping with her again for over two years because one night there was laundry on the spare bed and he was too tired to remove it, so he went back to his bedroom and has since been sleeping with her again. He wears his ring “on and off”. I believe that his wife does not think we are together any longer (she got wind of us in the early stages). I, on the other hand, have had heartbreaking moments when my husband (and my daughters) have questioned me. Not to mention the tug I my heart knowing that this is WRONG. He seems to be okay with it. He told me he has been “looking for a way out” of his marraige for a long time.
I am feeling used by this other man. I believe him to be a narcissitic man, from my counseling I have done. I tried to break it off three weeks ago, but allowed contact when he conveniently showed up at a place he knew I would be.
I am really looking at myself in this. How and why have I allowed myself to get into this position? I am “kind of” telling my husband the truth about this man. Other than being (of course) upset and angry, my husband made the comment “you have been a fool to believe this guy’s crap; I thought you knew better”.
This other man is successful and has money. My husband and I struggle financially. This other man has offered to buy me things, pay for my yoga classes that I sometimes take with him, buys me gifts, etc. The clincher for me was when I found out that, after returning from business travel, he had an orchid delivered to his wife the same day as he had one delivered to me.
In ending this affair, it is helpful for me to “think” that this other man is not all he wanted me to believe he was, i.e. wonderful, loved me so much, I am the love of his life, he’s never known love like this, blah, blah, blah.
Will he leave his wife and “step up” and “be” all that he has wanted me to believe he is?

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Welcome to EAS Sunrise.
I have one question.
Did you even enjoy having a quickie outdoors or in a car? I know when I did it during my A, I felt like my xap should have left money on the dresser for me, but alas, there was no dresser. Just two broken ppl feeding off of each others egos. This man has been M three times, lied about sleeping with his W (which is his right because after all she is his W and that is what most M ppl do); and he has been stringing you along for years telling you that he is leaving her. You are not in a good place to be believing what this guy is feeding you. Really think about what he is telling you and honestly ask yourself if he is an honorable man. And please don't buy into his "you hurt my feelings" trick. It's only yet another plot to suck you into his sick games. He is not a healthy person and you need to get this person out of your life.
Sunrise,
First I would like to welcome you to EAS and thank you for sharing your story. I know that probably wasn't easy for you, but once you get it out there, you are already lifting some of the A burden from your shoulders.
Welcome, Sunrise.
I am so glad that you have found the courage to post here and ask for some support. This is the first step in a long journey to get you to a better place.
He certainly is 100% broken. There is something wrong with a man (or a woman) who thinks it's okay to string someone along with promises of a future when there's really no intent behind the promises. What he does want to ensure is a long lasting sexual relationship with you. He is feeding you all these pretty little "poor me" lines to lure you back in so you can continue to stroke is over inflated ego. If he loved you and wanted a life with you (Wife No. 4), he would have left Wife No. 3 years ago to be with you. But why bother when he's getting everything he needs from both
Hello Sunrise,
If you really want to end your A, you have come to the right place.
I feel like I am looking at this with a lot less "fog".
I was NOT okay with being in the affair.
I want out of the affair because I hate being in it.
I am feeling so awful.
Thanks for answering my question Sunrise.
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