Winding down...
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Winding down...
| Wed, 12-15-2010 - 1:22am |
hello. new to this board and a bit nervous about posting. a bit
about me. i'm a married woman w/ two kids (ages 7, 3).
| Wed, 12-15-2010 - 1:22am |
Hcoons,
I am short on time right now but wanted to welcome you to EAS. Actually, there are more married women on this board than S, so hopefully they will post in and give you some answers to your questions. I can tell you this. Once an A ends, it needs to stay ended...no friendship, no contact, no nothing. Also, this is an endings board, so your A has to be over in order for you to participate in the future. We all know how scary it is to end an A, but if you really care about this guy, you have to let him go completely.
Keep reading and please be sure to read the Healing Library. Hit the "more" button to find older threads that will help you end this destructive behavior. There is the D-Day thread, and the "Wisdom and Insights" thread (part 1 and 2)... which will open your eyes to the truth about affairs and how destructive they are, not only to your own well being, but to your family. We understand how hard it is to even think that this person can no longer be in your life, but this is the nature of the beast. I would suggest doing a search on such subjects as "Closure, Addiction, Egos, and No Contact." Read about this stuff...start education yourself on what an A really is, and how they can hurt so many innocent people.
Let us know if or when you have ended your A and we will be here to help you through the healing process.
((Hugs))
Your new philosophy on wanting an open M may work for you but remember that you are in a M with someone else (your H). If it works for the two of you then that's great but you can't continue being selfish and doing only what you want and what makes you feel good and not considering what your H wants. You really need to ask yourself why it took this guy to make you feel good about yourself. Why don't you have that self-assurance without needing someone else to do it for you? Find out how you can make yourself feel good and sexy without the help from someone else. You can discover more passion with your DH because he knows every part of your body, mind and soul if you allow him to, but you first have to go completely NC with your AP. You can't have your boy on the side and your H at home unless they both agree. After I ended my A, going back to my regular life has been majical. My DH have more passion and love than I ever thought possible. We have explored each other in ways that has taken our M to an ultimate place. It's honest, pure committed, spiritual
(((((Hcoons))))))
Welcome to EAS, you are at the right place.
Hcoons, i just read your post and your situation is VERY similar to mine, I don't have much time because i have a work deadline, but i will be in contact with you. I will quickly tell you that
Thanks all for the replies. Helpful to read them and yes, I am still in this affair fog and probably will be for a while.
Really thought about what was written yesterday and have decided to end the A. I was hoping have to have our dinner next week but thought it made no sense to go on another week. It's been hard beign in limbo like this and i decided I wasn't going to put myself through another week of this agony. It's going to be painful regardless so I bit the bullet and ended it last night. I did it through an email which was not ideal, but it has been hard to connect and I just didn't want to wait until i saw him, whenever that would be. So far this morning, no emails, no txts. I've deleted him in my contacts list. i don't even know if he's read his emails yet, so he might still be thinking we are going to talk today. who knows?
I am beyond sad, yes, but actually feel a lot lighter. I'm sure now comes the tough part of really maintaining the no contact and rebuilding my marriage with with my H.
Thanks everyone.
I want to say welcome to the board and I am sorry you are here. I want to congratulate you on your decision to end your affair. No winding down, no closure, just end it. I know that things will be vary hard for you in the coming days, but please stick around and read as much as you can here, and post when you are feeling something strong.
I think you were wise to take what you read hear to heart. I think finding this place and letting its words into your heart is like Pandora's box. Once you open up to it you realize there is no going back. And although you may not see it yet but in time, and after a lot of hard work that is ahead of you, you will come to realize that statements such as this one you made in your original post...
" I think there can also be healthy affairs." Are absouloutly untrue. Health Affair is an oxymoron...as much so as a penniless richman.
I know it will be hard, but please do more than just remove him from your contacts. We say around here Block and Walk. That is the easiest way. If he has no way of contacting you...that elevates the stress of wondering if he is trying. Stress that is already evident when you say "So far this morning, no emails, no txts. ". This means you are still checking and waiting to see if he responds. He may not. And please, do not instantly jump to "that means he didn't even care about me", it may just mean he is being fully respectful to your wishes.
Take things slowly at first...just concentrate on the NC, and staying NC. That is the one true way out of this painful mess you have found yourself in. The rest of the stuff will come later...but for now put as much distance as you can between you and your now XAP.
Sending calming and strong vibes your way today. Welcome and good luck.
peace&light
Foggy
Welcome to EAS and I/we are relieved to hear that you have ended your affair.
One moment, one day at a time. Don't look any further ahead than this or else you will become overwhelmed and discouraged. It's a process, and you will need patience and perseverance. In time you will be in a better mind set as long as you stick to NC.
(((Hugs))
You will look back and realise this in the not too distant future, i know everything is hazy right now and i know all this because i was EXACTLY where you are.Yes, it is VERY hard, but so worth the relationship you have with your H, and with your little ones, isn't it? The truth is if you continued this 'thing on the side', the impact this would have on them would change them forever. Your life as you know it would never be the same again, had your H found out, no A goes undetected it all comes out in the end its just a matter of time, you could say goodbye to the solid relationship that you have with your H, and your children will suffer amongst the repercussions.
Hcoons, keep reading and reading, and in time you will see that what we were in was a fantasy, not reality. A fantasy that could destroy our reality. Stay here with us. The beautiful people on the board are incredibly supportive. I am only 3 weeks No Contact, please do this with me, for the sake of our families (who don't deserve any of this) and for ourselves.
Thinking of you
V888
xxxxx
Hello HCoons
So happy to read that you have ended your A and went NC.