Hypomania
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Hypomania
| Tue, 10-25-2005 - 12:19pm |
The past few days I have been feeling extra anxious and figidy. I am having
| Tue, 10-25-2005 - 12:19pm |
The past few days I have been feeling extra anxious and figidy. I am having
could be...its kinda hard to tell from your post...are you more "up" feeling than down? are you feeling more energetic, talking more? or just more anxious?
who knows with bp??? just watch it, and if it increases, gets any worse, call your pdoc...it could get worse and then you crash even further down and you do not need that!
love you...
k.
Who knows...I am up and down through the day for the past few days. I actually cried the 23rd which was 2 months since my mom died. It wasn't alot but more then a few tears. I was cooking dinner and just started with the tears flowing. My emotions have been all over the place anyway, so who can say what the heck is wrong with me. Right now I have been counting on sleep to get peace and I haven't been able to really rest for a month now because of dreaming all night and now waking up all the time. I dream about my mom all the time too. This is why I want to take more pills and drink so I can sleep.Thanks Keli.
Tina~
Hi Tina! I'm hypomanic as well (I think that means we're bipolar but I never really get to the depressive end of the spectrum, just constantly manic????) Anyhows, I KNOW how difficult it is to slow down your thinking.
My sympathies on the loss of your mother. You mentioned that you cried a little bit last night. Is crying difficult for you? It is tremendously difficult for me, even when I know that I want to cry, the tears just don't come - unless the situation is really, really awful. I envy people who can just well up at the slightest things. Me, I feel like some kind of freak. I attend NA meetings regularly and one of our members just died from a drug overdose. Everyone was tearing and crying and sharing about this person, and I was just sitting there watching. Virtually no reaction. I KNOW the event is sad, I just can't express it, or really even feel it. Like I said, I feel like a freak sometimes.
I guess around the time that your mother died I experienced some trauma in my life as well. I can sympathize with your feelings being all over the place. But I have a question: does your outlook totally, I mean TOTALLY, change every few minutes? I've heard of rapid mood swings being associated with this disease, but what about rapidly, like really rapidly, changing perspectives? One minute things look desperate and bleak, the next minute, my future couldn't be brighter. I don't get it. It's during the desperate and bleak periods that I tend to want to act out - anything to get out of the pain I feel when I think there's no hope in my future. Do you experience anything like that?????
Boy, I know that combo of alcohol and drugs will get you to sleep, but please be careful. They can do a number on you...
Have a better day. Love, Mo.
i totally understand...the wanting to drink and take pills just to sleep and get some peace...i really do...
hang in there...maybe you're rapid cycling again...that will cause more agitation...
but with the amount of meds you're on, you shouldn't be...omg, listen to what I, of all people, just said!!!! LOL
doesn't matter how many meds i'm ever on either, i will always rapid cycle too...
Crying is difficult for me too. There are times I well up but the tears won't flow. I have had this problem for years. When I do have times I cry I know I am really depreesed and emotional. I was told the reason I haven't cried alot over my mom dying is because my body is protecting me from feeling the pain that is unbearable. When I was younger I stayed angry alot to deal with my hurt and that helped me not cry. When I was about 14 I told myself crying is weak and gets you nowhere, so don't do it. I used to cry before 14 about my mom having major depression and sleeping all the time and my dad never being home because he was at the bars drinking. I found out crying didn't change any of those things so why bother. Then I just became an angry person. I worked on the anger and I am not an angry person anymore.
My outlook doesn't really change every minute but it does from time to time and sometimes day to day. My emotions are all over the place. I am trying to move on with out my mom who was my best friend. I have no one else(female) that I can talk to and hang out with. My mom and I used to watch shows and movies together. Now I watch most things alone because my bf doesn't like chick movies. He won't even watch the new TV show Criminal minds with me. I spend alot of time alone and I spend alot of time feeling lonely and empty.
My future sometimes look bleak too because my mom isn't here but then it looks livable. I know I need to move on but for some reason at times I feel like I am betraying my mom for moving on but on the other hand I know she would want me to. So, yes my emotions all all over the place.
I am working real hard not to drink and take more xanax then I need to but it gets hard. I have 10 beers in the frig calling my name right now and I have about 100 xanax. Not a good combo but if takin right I can sleep and not die.
Hang in there
Tina~
keli,
I am on the maximum amount of Lamictal and Prozac is also up there in dosage. Maybe the meds are fine and it is my situation with my mom and my new life I need to adjust to. So, it is probably anxiety. I feel lonely and empty all the time. My friend has died and I have no other girlfriends to hang out with and do things. My mom was it. Now I don't have that and never will again with my mom. Life goes on though, I am just crawling through the mudd right now.
Thanks for being my friend!!!
Tina~