He called and I had a date...
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| Wed, 12-15-2010 - 11:41pm |
Sometimes things are so uncanny and weird - xAP actually called the same exact day I posted on here that I was wondering if he even gave a rip about me since he hadn't called or texted at all. Well he called. I didn't pick up. He called again and left a message. He is using something as an excuse for us to meet up so he can give me an item I needed. Don't worry ladies, I'm not falling for it. I'm not going to do it. I can't risk losing it again and having to start all over with this growing peace that is starting to take form in my life. I haven't returned the call and I don't plan on meeting up for that "thing" he has. In his voicemail (I was scared to listen to it) he didn't say anything caring or normal like "hope you are ok" or "hope you're having a good day" or anything that had anything to do with me. The message was all about him, his life, his schedule, and it was generic and not incriminating of an A of course. I have to wonder if he actually thinks he'll get some if he meets up with me. I don't want him to be mad at me for not calling him back but I think he will just need to understand my silence.
I felt strong and OK after I heard it and then I went to my dinner date and actually had a nice time. This is a gentleman who has been in the wings for a while now waiting patiently and I didn't give him much thought while i was so busy being over the top with AP. Well, my date is decent and SINGLE and he kissed me! I don't know if this will be anything at all in the future, but it was certainly a very nice distraction. I will say however (and you single ladies, tell me if this happens to you too) I like the guy and he's pretty close to being so right for me YET it isn't as exciting or full of hot energy. It's nice, it's comfortable, but it is missing the element of a white hot chemical dance. I know this is something I have to get used to. The taboo isnt there so I have to be OK with it being good but not the same as an A. I just don't want to be bored or get bored. I wonder how.
One more thing - I listen to music while i work a lot and came across this one. i thought it was pretty appropriate considering all of our struggles. It seems Imogen Heap has the inside skinny on affairs because it seems a lot of her songs resonate on the lines of dangerous relationships So check it out.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9-GrKu8n3U
sunshine

Sunshine,
First I have to say how absolutely beamingly proud I am of you for not returning the call and for having no intention of meeting up with xAP. Your line about not wanting to give up the peace you are starting to gain is SPOT ON!! It's amazing when you get to that point of clarity, isn't it?? You've done so much for yourself to get to this point that you're not about to give up all your hard work for JAM. So proud of you, darling.
I also wanted to chime in about the white hot sex. I do believe with all my heart that it is the illicitness of the affair, the danger, the excitement, the sheer naughtiness of it all that adds an elevated
How did your xap get through to leave a message for you? Have you blocked him from that mode of communication so that he will never get through again to leave you a message? You are worried that he will be mad at you for not answering. If someone in your life gets mad at you because you are no longer allowing them to use you, don't worry about them because they mean you no good. Worry about yourself and how it makes you feel after they have used you to get what they want. If you are worried about having hot s*x and think that you can only have that in an A, I can assure you that s*x can be even hotter with a man who genuinely cares for you and puts your needs first and doesn't keep you hidden. You don't need an A to get that I promise you. You can have the total package. A man who loves you completely, nurtures you both in and out of the bedroom. Settling for someone who throws you crumbs and gives you hot s*x but goes home to his W will only destroy your self worth in the end.
Sunshine! What a terrific job you did not calling back or getting in touch with him via any outlet!