Sick of me yet ? ?
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| Thu, 10-27-2005 - 1:37am |
So I went to the lawyers office tonight. Due to anxiety attacks I asked the babysitter to drive my car and drop me off, gave her money to take the kids to McDonald's to eat ice cream & play. I was told to expect the consult to be 1/2-hr, so that is when she'd be back.
1/2-hr later none of the 10 people in the waiting room had been called back. My baby is sick so I didn't want her waiting in a cold car or any longer than needed. So I asked for my money back & left.
------- A REASON NOT TO SEEK DIVORCE YET -------
Now I'm wondering ... is jumping to divorce the best idea? I think I still need to consult a lawyer so I can get temporary custoday, but I don't know about divorce. This is because, and I've wondered this often over the past 11.5 yrs, I think dh & I got married during a hypomania phase (3w exciting engagement - depressed by end of honeymoon).
Well, he's manic now & wants to prove his love to this woman in all ways. So, if I divorce him now, while still in mania, might he marry her too quickly? I'm not sure if her or her husband has filed their papers yet, but do I want to take the chance?
Dh told me a story about her that really made her appear shady to me (beyond what she's doing now). Then tonight her best friend told me 2 stories which enforces the fact I do not want to risk this woman around my children what so ever. I don't want her influence on them at all. (I think dh is on the Freudian quest to sleep with his own mother - or somebody who reminds him of his mother.)
------- A NEW APPROACH -------
In my research I've read over & over, reach out with love. Not only for BP, but years ago about stopping a divorce in general and more recently in midlife crisis.
Well, I've tried reaching out in love, but I was flip-flopping. I was either desperate so I was either sappy or angry/threatened, so not nice at all.
WHAT IF... whenever I talk to dh I squash the other woman out of my head & talk to him as if he's on a business trip or not living with us, but still has all of our love and friendship.
For example, send him a message stating I will be at the pumpkin patch at 11AM Sunday if he wants to meet us up there, GREAT! We'll see him then. Then leave another msg, letting him know our original plans for Halloween with our friends are still on, let him know what time & where I'm meeting our friends to take our kids trick-or-treating. If he wants to join - great - no pressure though.
.... i.e. not calling him, not trying to talk to him, but give him opportunities to visit our old reality. And if he shows up, treat it like all of our other family events w/o mentioning the OW. This is how I usually get him out of his suicidal phases ... I get him out of the house, family outing, lots of sun if possible, into small crowds.
Worth a try????
Agghh, sorry, this is such a roller coaster. I've never felt so confused in my life. One day I'm sure I need to take action, the other I feel disasterious results if I do.

this is what i think you should do.
i think you need to find a therapist or counselor.preferably one who specializes in family therapy.fot YOU.my therapist was originally my marraige counselor & she is my best guidence.
NO ONE is sick of you at all.
but you need some advice or you are going to drive yourself crazy with second guessing
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
this man IS making you crazy & i hate that!
I've already made myself sick - laryngitis. That's going to be fun parenting a 3yo with no voice. Part b/c I'm only getting 4 hrs of sleep, baby keeps me up late, 3yo wakes me early.
Already looked up therapist. I had one that was supposed to call last week & never did. He was doing conferences in Denver, but said he'd do a phone consult - but never called for it or to even set up a time for when he returned.
So I'm going to call a new one today. As I've never been so confused in my life. Plus my life for the past 2 yrs only gets worse & worse.
Miscarriage at 12w, takes another 12w for mc to complete (6m pg hormones - no baby - believe I had PPD), brother gets staph infection while I was pg & I couldn't see him - already with Hep-C & HIV he never heals well, pg again immediately get infection & have surgery at worst possible time in pg, find lump in my breast - takes 6w to diagnose as benign, brother in hospital again - he is dying, baby turns breech I cannot bend over or barely sit all of the 3rd tri as her head is in my rib, repeat c-section to a baby who screams the 1st month of life, brother died 2w after her birth, finally dh starts to drink heavy & then this.
Live away from family. Have only worked from home since moving here so only made 1 friend. All other friends are couple friends - too busy with their own lives, plus feel strange as we've only done stuff as a couple.
Hopefully have a enough voice to see therapist soon.
Bonnie
"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."
~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
oh hon...first off you will never get sick of you !!!
God could not be everywhere, so
(((((((((((Sweetie)))))))))) you have definitely had a rough go of it. You've gotten some very good advice here. No, we will never get sick of you. Good lord, go through the archives and see my posts and I'm still here;) LOL!
As for the temporary custody, I'm with Donna. Do what you have to do for the safety of you and your children. If you do not trust this woman around your kids also get a restraining order. Document EVERYTHING! Get a woman lawyer - my ex had one and I was the one who ended up getting screwed. Yes, women lawyers are excellent although it wasn't in my or my kids best interest at the time (but I'm working on fixing that). Another thing you want to do is keep receipts for everything -groceries, gas, clothing, etc. This will help you if you go the divorce route with child support.
It sounds like you are trying to solve this all in your head and that alone will drive YOU nuts! As has been suggested, find a tdoc and get this stuff out so you can put the focus where it rightly belongs.......on you and your kids:)
Keep us posted.
Love & Hugs,
Traci
even if you print out what you write here!
& like i said b/f no one is sick of you.you are a very brave lady.