I am sorry heartache. How did he find it? How is that affecting how he is treating you? I am sorry your private thoughts were invaded. Can't offer u vet advice. I just feel your struggle.
Another poster - secretlifeofjane - had a similar
experience. If you haven't read her blog, you should check it out. She
found out a few months ago that her H had actually been reading her blog
- and posting to it. She might be able to offer you some "BTDT" advice.
I know that you feel betrayed. What concerns me is
your H's reaction. This man has ridiculed you in the past. Try to steer
the conversations about the journal in a healthy direction. Hopefully he'll keep the low blows to a minimum.
Sorry for the late reply! I've had a killer headache and haven't been able to read or type much.
Ya, I am with the others! Spot on. Huge violation. I do not believe that post-affair you must give up any and all safe spaces - especially a journal space. I see this as controlling behavior. I can appreciate partners wanting access to email accounts & passwords, and even the occasional spot check on a phone etc ... Initially anyway. But, there has got to be space that is for you, and you alone to enter. He doesn't get to be Big Brother and it's counter productive to healing and indicative of the state of the partnership if you can't have anything/anywhere to process your thoughts. Thoughts are just thoughts - and while we work hard here to re-frame and disregard negative thinking, sometimes getting it "all out there" is just about the most cathartic thing you can do. Thought police? That's not partnership - that's dictatorship!
Wow, that's a tough one. It's kind of a paradox to be 100% open and honest and then have a secret journal. I would have kept the secret journal secret. That's a lot of temptation for a spouse who has been hurt before. He's wrong, but that was asking a lot to expect him not to look if you have hurt him in the past. I'm guessing you had an A. How many betrayef spouses wouldn't look in a private journal. He had no right, but he is only human.
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Hi Heart,
Journals are scared in my opinion, it should be the one place you can write whatever you are feeling with no explanation or justification to anyone.
Thanks to both of you.
Another poster - secretlifeofjane - had a similar experience. If you haven't read her blog, you should check it out. She found out a few months ago that her H had actually been reading her blog - and posting to it. She might be able to offer you some "BTDT" advice.
I know that you feel betrayed. What concerns me is your H's reaction. This man has ridiculed you in the past. Try to steer the conversations about the journal in a healthy direction. Hopefully he'll keep the low blows to a minimum.
Thinking of you -
Bodhi
(((Heartache))
Because I live alone, I've never had to deal with this. Still I feel your hurt over your invasion of privacy.
I consider it to be a huge violation.
Man, yah.
Sorry for the late reply! I've had a killer headache and haven't been able to read or type much.
Ya, I am with the others! Spot on. Huge violation. I do not believe that post-affair you must give up any and all safe spaces - especially a journal space. I see this as controlling behavior. I can appreciate partners wanting access to email accounts & passwords, and even the occasional spot check on a phone etc ... Initially anyway. But, there has got to be space that is for you, and you alone to enter. He doesn't get to be Big Brother and it's counter productive to healing and indicative of the state of the partnership if you can't have anything/anywhere to process your thoughts. Thoughts are just thoughts - and while we work hard here to re-frame and disregard negative thinking, sometimes getting it "all out there" is just about the most cathartic thing you can do. Thought police? That's not partnership - that's dictatorship!
Much Love,
TU.
Hi heartache,
I am so sorry you had to deal with this.
Muddy Waters
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