hospital, jail or death

Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
hospital, jail or death
3
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 9:54am

Somebody here provided me the NAMI link. On the page was a mental health crisis line. So on Monday, when I realized dh was not going to go to his assessment on Tues as planned, I called to ask if there is anyway to persuade someone to check himself in. She told me if I could not talk to him to have a friend talk to him or simply wait.

Ironically, that night, a friend who's not been here for the past 2 mos, but has known dh for 20 years contacted me asking why he could not get ahold of dh through his cell phone or email address he had (dh's work email).

At first I didn't let the friend know anything, simply provided him the personal email and new cell phone. But the friend persisted to contact me to let him know what is going on. So I told him. He started to email both dh & I telling us not to run to lawyers. Started sending us images of our kids and asking what their court outfits will look like, etc.

Dh came back into town yesterday. This friend was able to get dh to meet him for lunch. He says dh is in very bad shape. When he saw him across the restaurant, drinking a beer, he had to stop a moment to catch his breath he looked so awful. He said he was shaking so bad he could barely get the food to his mouth. Their conversation really did not go anywhere as dh could barely complete a thought. Dh kept talking about how he's taking these pills (Librium) and he'll be better soon. Friend asked what the pills were for and dh said to reduce stress. Friend asked why he looked so bad, dh said lack of sleep. Dh would not talk about the other woman, would not talk about alcohol dependency, wanted to pretend he is completely fine.

So the friend called his friend who is a MD to ask him about the Librium & detox. The MD said this is common behavior for somebody this far into alcoholism. MD told friend at this point these are the ONLY options for the addict - forced into hospitalization, he'll end up in jail or he'll die. The MD tried to get the friend to realize he needed hospitalization that very moment, to hang up with him, pick up dh and drive him to a center.

But nobody knows where dh and this OW are sleeping. So friend is trying to make contact with dh to get him to meet with him again today. Then he hopes to take a long drive to the hospital the MD recommended. The very place I tried to get dh to look into, but he wouldn't. The only hospital our insurance company told me is under their plan. The hospital the doc who prescribed dh the Librium talked to us about.

I doubt he'll be successful, but at least someone is trying.




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
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Registered: 04-06-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 10:00am

I think its great !!

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 10:18am

Recovering addict here (3 years clean and sober!!!) The actual expression in our literature is "the ends are always the same: jails, institutions and death."

Does the psychiatrist who's prescribing the lithium know that H is an alcoholic????? I dont think those drugs mix well, but even if the combo is safe (which I doubt) the lithium isn't going to work on the bipolar if he's mixing it with alcohol.

Unfortunately, alcohol is one of the most effective ways to self-medicate for bipolar disease. It's one of the few things that stops those darned voices in our heads. Of all the drugs I've tried so far, none have worked as well as alcohol. All that said, however, I was fortunate enough to have that epiphany (I experienced both "jails and institutions" in a 24 hour period when I hit my bottom) and I haven't had a drink or misused prescription drugs ever since.

Other people talking to your H may help, but ultimately, as you know, he's got to come to the realization for himself. He's obviously a very sick person, and I can imagine how desperately you want to help him, but speaking from personal experience, no one in the world could've convinced me that I was in as bad a shape as I was the morning I checked into rehab. I remember months after I was discharged reading on the intake sheet that the nurse marked my appearance as "disshelved." Dissheveled????? I had done my hair and make-up and everything that morning!!!! The truth is that we cannot see how we look. And because self-centeredness is at the core of addiction/alcoholism your H honestly doesn't care about you or how much you're worrying about him.

When I had my epiphany, I do, however, remember caring about my kids and thinking that even if I couldn't get clean/sober for myself, I owed it to them. Sometimes people can initially get clean/sober for someone else, but it has to eventually become about them. You can't do it for someone else.

You might think about going to a local AA or NA meeting that's open (meaning that non-addicts and non-alcoholics are welcome). There's some pamphlets and literature that might better explain the disease to you and most addicts/alcoholics will be happy to share with you. I know pretty frequently the spouse or family member of an addict/alcoholic who's out there using will show up at our meetings looking for support and some understanding of the disease.

And remember that this is a disease. Right now your H is totally in the grip of a real killer. And you're absolutely right, without AA or NA, our disease always ends up the same way - jails, insitutions and death.

God bless you and your H. I'll be at an NA meeting this afternoon and when we close the meeting we always pray for the still sick and suffering addict inside and outside of the rooms so I will say a special prayer for your H, that he have the epiphany that we in recovery have had. Love and prayers, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 12:16pm
everyone hopes the ill person has the presence of mind to walk themselves into a hospital.it's often not likely.
this very thing happened to my h's friend who lived alone.
i was furious.
neither his brother the dr. nor his brother the preist was doing anything his mother was dying of cancer at the time,his job was in total jeapordy,& since he'd always been a weird kid all the friends were sort of watching the drama unfold in amazment.
just watching.
& my husband was providing him with pot.
& i knew he wasn't taking the meds he was supposed to.
he wound up diagnosed w/ bipolar but at the time i really thought it was shizophrenia.
everyone reasoned that he wouldn't hurt a fly.i kept saying that the day would come when he decided HE could fly & besides this was no way to live.
i was beyond worried.
he would dissappear for days.
i threw a fit & the boys finally took him by the hand & marched him to the hospital where he got treatment.
he's one of mine & my daughers' favorite people & he managed thru his mother's death & dealing with her estate beautifully has managed to keep up a job & is doing his best to live happily ever after.but he could not have done it if left to do it by himself.