Do you ever read tarot? (long)
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| Sun, 10-30-2005 - 9:12am |
I didn't hear from dh once on Saturday. The other woman leaves today, but I have no idea what time. I have no idea where dh plans on sleeping tonight. It could possibily be here.
On Friday I did a tarot reading with the question, 'can I trust him.'
In the SITUATION section it stated, "A wise and compassionate person you may become involved with will provide reassuring support ... A solid contribution may be made that provides a context in which you can enjoy your highest self."
In the CHALLENGE section it said, "For the time being, resist the urge to do anything other than observe and take notes ... When it comes to a close you may better be able to help your future loved one regroup and regain his or her place in the new order of things."
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Then yesterday I asked, 'should I let him stay here' and the reading is so strong in what it says I want to provide all of it.
HOW I PERCEIVE MYSELF: (Others seek your warm and generous personality.)
The Empress symbolizes harmony, comfort, creativity, and wisdom. This Great Mother beckons us with her life-giving support. She is the abundant matrix from which we draw vital life and out of which we individuate. She exemplifies health and natural joy in the body, the healing arts, music and all things good, true and beautiful. We learn our highest ideals from her. The Empress in this position indicates that you personify something generous, warm, and nurturing. If you can wholeheartedly express and embrace these life-giving impulses, then you will very likely draw your potential soul-mate or desired partner to your side.
THE SITUATION: (The warrior returns as an ambassador of peace. The journey has transformed the traveler.)
When the Knight of Cups is in this position, someone who was lost from your life may be returning. This person may have completed some kind of personal quest that separated you some time ago. The traveler carries a cup of wisdom, initiation or renewed love to present to you.
Great clarity has been achieved through the traveler's adventures, which can transform your coming love relationship if you are ready. The benefits of this journey, a formidable sacrifice for the one taking it, will now be offered to you if you were true and faithful during the long absence. Be prepared to welcome the weary traveler and stay open to the message that is being delivered.
THE CHALLENGE: (Make the best of what remains after adversity has set you back.)
When the Five of Cups is in this position, maximize what is left after possible loss. The receiver of this card may have received copious potential in the five cups shown, but three of them have been upended and their contents spilled into the earth. Whether it was carelessness or destiny that spilled these cups isn't ultimately important. What matters now is that the two full cups be tended and utilized as intelligently as possible. Resources may be built up and the core value of what was passed on in a relationship can be cultivated again.
You may have this opportunity to make the best of what is left to you after a tumultuous upset. If you sink into depression about what is lost, you may get nowhere. Focus on the value that still remains, and make the best of it as optimistically as possible.
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I have already been looking at what positives this affair could provide for a longer, healther and stronger marriage.
While pg with Tara I had decided I would wait until she was 3-4 yrs old and if dh was still drinking I would leave. The waiting is now over. With this situation it needs to happen now. I know that and with this current pain I know I am strong enough to see it through.
I didn't realize how depressed I am myself. Two days after dh left I looked around the house with renewed eyes. I see clutter I didn't see before. I see what I need to do to bring more light into our home.
If we do try to stay married then we have a lot of things to work through. I think pains and sorrows, which were stuffed under the bed of the past 14 yrs, are going to come to the surface now. But with a team goal of working through this we will not become defensive or accusing, but learn how to change ourselves for a stronger future. This can open our doors to communication.
A realization of how debilitating BP can be. It is not something to take lightly. It is time to educate ourselves on the disease. There is a 12w program near my house for families of & with education perhaps dh can stop blaming his mother for her actions and start receiving her with love (she already passed 8 yrs ago) and most of all forgive her for many of her actions. As a result this could be a time for dh to start to learn how to love himself more & stop blaming himself for her suicide.
Stop the fear. My father had an affair right under my mom's nose when I was 3 (same age as Liam) and my mom was 34 (same as I am now). I have had a constant fear of dh doing the same thing. Now it's done and behind us, I can drop the fear.
Now is the time to let the other know what we want/need in a relationship. We never date or take vacations. Dh doesn't dare leave the kids with a sitter for dates, but perhaps now he'll let go of that fear and we can now find time to spend alone. I didn't like vacations b/c dh would be so drunk midway through he wouldn't leave the hotel room and I spent most of it alone. But with the alcohol gone we can look at both personal and family vacations.
....
In my view, 2 mos out of 14 yrs is small. Two mos for an additional 40+ years is even smaller. It's not like it was one of those affairs where there was lying and deceit over a long course of time. I was aware of most everything from day one. The marital problems are real and did contribute, but the actual actions could be the result of a disease. I think this makes it easier to work through.
IN THE GOOD LIGHT: dh's pyschotherapist called on Friday to check up. I told him I believed this is bipolar & told him his mother was too. The pdoc was not aware of this possibility, but acted as a light had just clicked on for him too.
Then later in the day I tried looking up bipolar docs in our area, strange enough, the very top pdoc that shows up on top is the one dh has been seeing - this is the ONLY pdoc dh has ever liked. We just found out our insurance will not cover him, but the pdoc is willing to work with us for payment. I think this is a very good sign of dh working with somebody to gain some control of this disease.
...sorry so long, my heart & soul are full right now.
Bonnie

if it was an online reading i'm not so sure how i feel about them.i feel they are random & i don't trust their accuracy.when i was feeling like you were i dropped in on a psychic & had a real reading done.there are millions of them around here.just be very very VERY careful NOT to get roped into a "you have a curse on you " or "i can fix this for you" ruse.JUST a readig.
can't say i did the same.
Before kids I used to do my own readings, but I find that a difficult task to do now. So I do do them online. I've used the tarot.com before and have it be quite accurate. I rarely use online, perhap 3 times in my life thus far. One Halloween, about 8 yrs ago, I did some readings for my friends on a girls outing. Over the course of 6 mos most of them came to me to tell me how accurate I was. I'm known to be very intuitive.
I always keep in mind, this is really done out of fun, they can be completely wrong. But when I feel I need strength in a situation, I do find them helpful to keep my mind on my goal.
I forgot to mention in one of the positive aspects of this whole deal. As strange as it may sound I have a higher self esteem. I guess because I can see my own strengths and now know I do not 'need' dh but I 'want' him.
Bonnie
"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."
~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
maybe just maybe when you "get" what you "want" you'll see you don't want it so badly precisley BECAUSE you don't need it.
you are doing great,i've got to tell you that.