Still Depressed...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Still Depressed...
4
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 7:06am

I'm so so so so so so so so sick of this! I took off work for a few days to try to pull myself together some and did it work? NOPE. Does anything work? NOPE. I'm sick of meds. I'm sick of trying. I'm sick of just simply trying to put one foot in front of another just to make it through the days...

I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow, and I don't even care...what's she gonna do? Not a dang thing...tell me to continue on my meds and this will go away...I have so much more depression now than ever before and I am soooooo tired of it all...how long do I have to be depressed? I can ask her to increase my a/d. She may or may not. Who knows.

I have ADHD and I suffer every day from it. I cannot focus, sit still, or think clearly half the time. If I'm not moving 100 miles a minute, I freak out. When I get still or bored, I lose it. UNLESS I take a diet pill, or a caffeine pill...A FREAKING STIMULANT! When I take those, I can focus. I feel better. My pdoc told me a darn year or more ago we'd work on the ADHD after I get the BP under control...well, news flash here! MY BP is never going to be under control! Help my stupid SYMPTOMS as much as possible to help my quality of life! That's what I want! I can handle the mood swings, the cycling, the rapid cycling...I can do that. These stupid symptoms are killing me.

Halloween sucked for me...

I got my car, and guess what? A stupid belt is loose somewhere and its making this AWFUL screaming noise, so I can't drive it til my dh looks at it tonight sometime.

I'm so ready to give up...just stop all these freaking meds, go back on diet pills and caffeine, stop eating, and be manic like I used to be...what has this journey given me???? 4 years of hell...4 hospital stays, 40 pounds of weight gain...and FOR WHAT?

Sorry.

I missed you all...

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 8:04am

((((Keli)))))


I'm so sorry you didn't have a good weekend :o(


Here's my 2cents for whatever its worth.


THERE IS NO WAY TO GET STABLE WITH BP IF YOU ARE NOT GETTING HELP WITH THE ADHD !!!

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 8:18am

i'm not mad!! ur totally right...she, pdoc, keeps thinking the stimulant drug (concerta or adderall) will make me agitated and manic...I DO NOT CARE...at this point, i'm messing up at work...i can't get things done...i am sooooooooooooooooooo freaking down all the time...i can't even manage to clean up at home without drinking an ENTIRE 10 cup pot of coffee, really fast to get all the caffeine I can...i can't focus enough at the grocery store to get groceries without my dh making me a list...i can't pay bills because i forget some of them...which is why i'm in the financial mess i'm in...i'm constantly looking for "a way" to stimulate my mind to get it to STOP and FOCUS enough for me to slow down and function. I hate it. At first I thought it was BP, but its NOT. Its the ADHD...

got the car...but it has a loose belt and is making a HORRIBLE screaming noise, so i can't drive it til dh tightens it (tries to) tonight.

love you too...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 8:23am

it doesn't make you manic...good lord.

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 8:24am

((((((((((keli)))))))))) I totally agree with what Donna said about talking to pdoc. I know how frustrated you are right now and that worries me sweetie! You need to make pdoc understand that the adhd needs some attention so that you can focus. Once you can focus, then maybe the meds for the bp can do what they're supposed to do. Keep fighting! It WILL get better!!!!!!!!! We're here for you and we care. Keep us posted.


Love Ya Girl!
Traci