Please remind me...
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| Tue, 11-01-2005 - 9:18am |
That I will feel better...
I feel very bad right now...very low...very depressed...very irritable...and angry...and upset...and miserable...I can usually pull myself up...but not lately...its been bad...when I'm at home, its a bit easier...cuz I can either just lay there, or my dh is there, or I can distract myself with tv, or sleep...
When I am at work, its harder...i have work to do today...but i am having a really hard time...
I need reminders of how this is supposed to get any better...i feel like it will forever be like this and there is no hope in sight and why do i even bother anymore!!!!
I have these HUGE urges to just run away somewhere far away and hide out for the rest of my life...somewhere nobody knows me...or go to the ER and go inpatient and hide there for a week. I've not been this down in a long time. I'm scared. Nobody knows I'm this bad. It started on 10/23...and has gone downhill since then.
I am huge again...I've gained so much weight...I weighed in at 248 this week. I bought at 18/20 shirt yesterday and my size 20 jeans are sometimes tight in the stomach...loose other places...
I don't know what to do...my pdoc appt is tomorrow and I wish it were today.
I don't know if I can do this...I'm a mess.

YOU CAN DO THIS, you've been thru this before, its the bp talking.
If you need to go to the er, then so be it.
God could not be everywhere, so
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((keli)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
i promise
Sheree
((((((((((Keli)))))))))) Sweetie!!!!!!!!! YES! It will get better and YES!!!! You can do this!!!! You are a very strong woman.
Yeah, it's rough....we all know how evil this illness can be. BUT, we also know that we can beat it! And that includes you my friend!
Right now the bp is filling your head with a bunch of garbage and that is what's dragging you down right now. You "bother" because somewhere inside you KNOW it gets better! And it IS worth the fight to get there!
If it is to the point where you are toying with running away, then by all means call your pdoc NOW and if she's not available, maybe the er is a good move on your part. But pdoc needs to know what's going on sweetie. There's no way she can help if she doesn't know........you and I BOTH know that. But if she does know then there's a chance she can do something.
Sweetie, we love you here and want you to do everything you need to do to get better. Sometimes when we hit these nasty lows we lose sight of what those things are. We are here to remind you:) So, call your pdoc and see what transpires from that. You've got my number.........USE IT if you need to!!!!!
Now, get to work on those things Donna asked you for before I make them 10 each;) LOL! Just kidding!!
Much Love and Lots of Hugs,
Traci