Merry Christmas to my life-savers

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Merry Christmas to my life-savers
2
Sat, 12-18-2010 - 1:42am
Hi all
Yes Im still here and lurking. I have great days, even occasionally a great week (great being defined as hardly losing any thought time to the grey fog of the exAP). But then I have crapola days and lately- crapola weeks! Whats that about!! I am soooo happy I ended the A. I look back and cringe at my thoughts, actions, and obsessive stuff. But lately I keep going back to the rare and shallow 'nice' moments'. So Im struggling with that a bit.

But I do wonder if it isnt a bit stress related- like my brain is searching for a comfortable place to curl up and sleep. I am off on holidays soon (to your wonderful contry in fact) with the whole family. Work is stressing me, money, planning, organising... so I wonder if that means my brain 'runs home to Mumma' and looks for random old 'warm spots'. Problem is my brain fails to recognise that these 'warm spots' were shallow, meaningless sparks of blue flame that had the potential to burn and destroy.

I have to remind my poor stressed brain that its much better seeking out the less bright, but more fulfilling, slow-smouldering orange embers of my H, my wonderful family, my solid and genuine life. This warm spot looks less bright and hypnotic that the exA, but its the only warm spot that offers rest and succour.

Have a wonderful Christmas to my beautiful strong deserving friends on EAS. May 2011 be a year of strength, clarity and light for us all.
Iggyxxxxxxx
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2010
Sat, 12-18-2010 - 11:09am

I like your analogy about the different types of flames.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2010
Sat, 12-18-2010 - 11:59am

Thinking about that flame analogy reminds me of how everything started for me, though there are older starting places before I even met the guy.