As if I didn't have enough to do......

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
As if I didn't have enough to do......
10
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 12:37pm

It's looking like a 2nd job, in addition to everything else I've got going right now is my only option at this point. I barely made it through October and only was able to by accepting a loan that I have no idea of when I'll be able to pay back. Now, Christmas is smacking me in the face, not to mention the bill collectors again and with xh deciding when it's convenient for him to pay child support, I'm left with no other options.


I hashed this out with tdoc and she didn't seem too terribly thrilled, she understands my predicament. Do I want to take a second job? I think not! But, at the same time, I have 3 kids who need support and they sure as h(@l aren't getting it from their lovely deadbeat dad.


The only thing that might save me from having to do this is the debt consolodation loan that I finally applied for today. It took me a while to catch up with the loan officer but I finally did and submitted the application. Now it's a waiting game. Oh gee, my favorite:/ I should know something within the next 10 days. I figure I might even have gotten my c.s. check & my insurance check by then...........however, I'm NOT holding my breath on either count. I swear people see me down and decide "Let's kick her anyway".


For now, I'm counting to 10, taking deep breaths and getting ready to go back to work. Sorry for the attitude in this post, but ladies, I'm seriously pissed off and need to get it out of my system. Keep your fingers crossed that this loan comes through for me. Thanks for letting me vent.


Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 12:44pm

oh Traci....dang xh !!!!


hang in there....things will work out...really they will....and he'll get his, you watch !!!


There are so many of us in the same boat...and I can't even think of xmas right now.

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 4:13pm

I think in the past 3 months he's seen them a grand total of twice. So that leverage wouldn't work. He'd flat out refuse to buy their clothes/food with the argument "that's what the child support is for." btdt. He just doesn't give a tinkers d*(n. It is all about him and what he wants and what he needs.


I talked to the legal aid people again after I left to go back to work and I'm officially screwed on that front. They will not refer me to a lawyer until I have filed everything, appeared before the judge, AND if xh gets a lawyer. So, explain to me why, at that point, I would even NEED a lawyer??????? So, again he wins. And people wonder why I swear I'll never get married again?????? HA! I'm still bleeding from the first one.


Guess I can tell the kids to just make sure they keep me stocked on current pictures, as that's all I'll be seeing of them for quite some time. Have I mentioned how much I hate xh right now? Now comes the fun. I have to tell the kids about me taking a 2nd job and in exchange this will boost their responsibilities around the house. Especially the older 2.


Ugh!


Traci
(Trying to remember to breathe)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 4:34pm
Traci, I feel for you. My daughter's father promised to help pay for clothes, food and the like and never did so I took him to court to get child support. Do you have a court order or is that why you need a lawyer? In my state (PA) I was able to go down to our district court (domestic relations) and file for it myself. I then applied for a court appointed attorney because I wasn't able to afford one. When I divorced and had no help I was forced to file bankruptsy. It certainly wasn't what I wanted to do. I tried credit counseling and do you know what they told me? I needed to get a 3rd job! I had an infant son and 12 y/o daughter with no help. Her father hasn't talked to her or seen her in 3 years. Now she's 18 and very bitter. He still blames it all on me. Whatever. Men can be such irresponsible babies! Goodness I hope things work out for you. I know first hand how much stress and pressure you must be under. Hugs to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 7:58pm

Thanks for the input. xh and I have been separated/divorced for 6 years now. He is ordered by the court to pay me directly on the first of each month. However, the courts will do nothing about his being late or in arrears until the arrears reach $5000.00. As for back support he "only" owes me $450. I can file my own petition, but people don't do well with our judges here when they represent themselves and our public defenders are people I wouldn't send my worst enemy to. As for the credit counseling, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with them. I found an agency several years ago when xh wanted to file while we were still married and signed up for it. We will have that paid off in like 4 months. xh hated that because we actually had to pay back the money on the credit cards. he wanted to file bankruptcy and not owe any money. I don't knock bankruptcy, as there are cases where it is necessary. It sounds like your case was one because you wound up with a not so helpful credit counseling agency. But, xh uses it to avoid responsibility and that burns me to no end. Well, that and hiding behind the "I might file because I'm so broke" line so I won't pursue action to get the support increased. There's a lot more to all of this than meets the eye, but I've gone on long enough here.


I can only hope that Donna is right and that he gets his one day. I'm out of options and have no help available to me in the area so the child support will stand at the ridiculous amount that it is until my youngest is out of high school.........another 10 years.


Well, thanks again for the input. I do appreciate it. Just not in a great place tonight.


Hugs,
Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 7:26am

Traci,

How are you this morning?

Check in if you can, okay?

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 7:44am

Trust me...he will get his own, and he's doing all the damage right now.

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 8:45am

Today is not a good day for me. Reality has really started settling in and it's done a number on my mood. I've got a lot of things to give some serious thought to - like how the kids will eat dinner if I'm not here to cook it, among other things. I'm so sick of him backing me into corners like this and leaving me no recourse to force him to support his kids. Well, that's about it for now.


Thanks for thinking of me.


Hugs


Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 8:51am

Traci


hon..this might be a stupid question, or not the time...but why doesn't dd (16) know how to cook?

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 12:01pm

Well, she can cook some simple things, but she's scattered. Some things she doesn't take time to read directions, others she does. But I guess my thing is I worry about her having to "share" the kitchen with my mother. While the woman refuses to cook anything, the second someone goes into the kitchen to do anything she's RIGHT there and it's a very small kitchen. DD is at a place right now where the bp is a little rocky - meds are off kilter somewhat and add to that she can't be in the same room with my mother for more than 5 minutes without taking her head off for no apparent reason it could get ugly quickly.


Another concern is my school work. If I fall behind in that I won't graduate and if I don't graduate I'll never get out of this hole I'm in - speaking financially, physically and emotionally.


Then I think about xh who is off everyday at 2:00, with no kids to go home to, who does whatever the hell he wants to do because nobody will force him to abide by the divorce decree. God why can't I fix this one?????? My mood is tanking fast and for that I really hate him. Thanks again for listening and the offers to help. I'm open to any suggestions you may have.


Love You To
Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 12:52pm

k..I understand more now.

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God could not be everywhere, so