I wobbled and tripped

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
I wobbled and tripped
17
Sun, 12-19-2010 - 12:47pm

As most of you know, I have really been struggling. T is helping me discover a whole lot about my messed up self. I had a T session on Thursday and I was about as far down in the dumps as I could be. I just sobbed and sobbed, trying to figure out why I feel I am so unlovable, which is one of the cruxes of my problems.

I do so much for others, I appear so strong and independent, I am the woman with brass ovaries. I read people well and mold myself to situations.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Sun, 12-19-2010 - 1:51pm

Just like they say about quitting smoking - just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sun, 12-19-2010 - 4:04pm
I have two question. What if he had sent a message back? What were you going to do then? Answer this honestly, and then I'll think more about whether you have to start your counter over again. I am glad you came here to hold yourself accountable, but alcohol or not, you knew what what you were doing. You said so yourself. You admitted to having a pity party for one and then still chose to "perform" a selfish act. You know, we all can feel unlovable at times...but that does not give us Carte blanch to screw up someone's life.

Just saying,
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 12-19-2010 - 4:16pm

Man, I'm sorry you did this to yourself.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Sun, 12-19-2010 - 5:44pm

Iddy and Clarity,

No one is more disappointed in me than myself. I'm thinking about why I did that. Why I really texted him. I was so horribly down and feeling so terribly alone.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 12-19-2010 - 8:18pm
I have never gotten the impression that you are a throw-in-the-towel kinda gal ;) I'm glad you came here to hold yourself accountable. We can really slide backwards without that accountability.

You are such an asset to this Board, we'd hate to lose you...so move away from the B&B :)

(hugs)
Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2010
Sun, 12-19-2010 - 8:29pm

alwayst2, I feel so new to be offering you anything of worth. But your response to my cry for help was so strong and full of conviction, I know you can do this-- get up again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Sun, 12-19-2010 - 8:57pm
Always...I understand how hard this is. I am 4 weeks NC tomorrow and tonight I'm struggling to not contact him for various reasons. I came here to read and your post and all the responses have helped me to NOT CONTACT him...thank you for sharing your struggles...it has already helped someone! Tomottow is a new day, and we are almost upon a NEW YEAR!!! Keep moving forward! Hugs to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Sun, 12-19-2010 - 9:27pm

Always,

So sorry to hear you had a little slip up but dont beat yourself up over it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Sun, 12-19-2010 - 9:28pm
Hi alwayst, i can feel your determination that you aren't throwing in the towel. It is alot of work to keep moving forward, there seems to be so much to battle through. I know in time we will look back with new eyes at where we were and feel blessed that we made the long hard journey to our new selves. The holidays seem to be bringing on a whole other set of painful feelings, i know it will ease up and I think it is very good that you came here to share this part of your journey. It is good to get others thoughts and to help us think of where our actions are taking us and how we may change those actions. Take extra care alwayst of yourself and a big hug to you:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 6:38am
((((Always))))

I will join in with all the other people here and say that your words helped me come out from a very dark place, you are an asset to this board, we all need you here and love you. I'm so sorry you are going through a hard time now, but take comfort in the thought that these struggles will develop your strengths.

Thinking of you

V888
xxxxx

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