New Here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
New Here...
9
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 1:15pm

I have been lurking for awhile, but finally decided to introduce myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: livin4me1
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 2:15pm

Livin,

Well, you have filled the prerequisite for posting here, so kudos for being the one to end your A. It's always harder when you are the Dumpee...triggers those painful feelings of rejection and unworthiness. It's sort of ironic though, feeling that way when we are dumped, because an A isn't a real relationship anyway...but we don't have to go into that now. :smileywink:

So, when you ended it, did you make it clear to him that you wanted no further contact? If you have been lurking here then you should know this is protocol around here. You go NC and then you do everything in your power to stick with it. It's the only way your system is going to be able to drain the A toxins that have been pumping through your veins. You said, "I didn't think it was going to be this hard." If you think the last few hours were hard, you may find yourself really struggling with this. Many gals will feel relief once they've ended it, but of course, a few days later reality sets in and then things get uncomfortable for a while.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
In reply to: livin4me1
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 2:30pm

Thanks Iddy,

Yes I told him that I wanted no futher contact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: livin4me1
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 3:12pm
Forgiving ourselves takes time, honey. You will have to wait until you are further along in the process. I commend you for the things you have done; deleting your email account and removing his # from your phone. The move is going to help you tremendously by allowing you to start fresh somewhere else, so ending this now was a good decision. Since you are not new to NC, then you know how this will go...but yes, we all understand the emotional ups and downs that come with ending an A. We will all be here for you whenever you need a hug or have a question. I hope that soon you will be able to join in on the discussions too and offer support to others. The back and forth communication is what keeps this board alive and like you up until now, many are just lurking, but they read our words and gather strength for when they are ready to post.

We have felt used but what will help to hold you accountable is realizing that you used him too. It takes two to do the A tango, KWIM? Anyway, I am glad you came out of lurkdom and I hope you will find comfort here.

((Hugs))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: livin4me1
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 3:46pm

Hi Livin-

Welcome to EAS :) You're off to a great start. Good job deleting the email account and removing the number. You said you are "hoping to stick to NC this time". There is no hoping. You have to make the decision that this move is a fresh start for you and your family. You can do anything you put your mind to. You have a LOT to lose. Think about how you would feel if your H found out and got custody of your young child. That is the harsh reality of living in affair-world. I'm glad you're here - we'll all help you when you need it.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
In reply to: livin4me1
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 4:01pm
Bodhi-

Thanks for the warm welcome! I never stopped to think about it that way. I can do this. It's up to me! You ladies have been an inspiration to me and I am glad that I found a place where I can get help and talk to women who have BTDT and can relate to what I am going thru because I can't talk to anyone in RL about this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: livin4me1
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 4:11pm

EAS is a lifesaver! I don't talk to anyone in my RL about my A either. It IS up to you. I remember a long time ago when it hit me "I have a choice!" Remember that your actions today pave the way for your future.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
In reply to: livin4me1
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 10:31pm

Livin...

Welcome to EAS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2009
In reply to: livin4me1
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 10:21am

Hi Livin!

I wanted to go back and read your

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
In reply to: livin4me1
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 12:01pm

Whydid-

Yes it does sound like our situations are similar.