Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Keli
3
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 11:57am

Ok - I am SO not doing well. Thankfully, the pg test came back negative - dr was worried about that...could interfere with treatment options. Now we have to be extremely careful until she gives us the all clear. My appt Monday is at 8:20 am...hopefully won't take TOO long...will get in touch when I get out of there. Dr expects to have results same or next day and will call me immediately for what our next step is. Am HOPING they surgically remove the entire thing right away - is big enough now that it hurts all the way up the side of my head and down to my shoulder - pulling on the muscles and stuff. Also getting hard to swallow. Needless to say I am scared to death and fighting tears like crazy. Am at work, but don't think I am going to get a LOT done...just can't focus. Mike had me crying for a bit at home (before I called you). Was really hard telling him, he is SO scared and worried too. Finally told him he had to stop holding me, because I couldn't stop crying. Hopefully dr is right, and because it is growing SO fast (is more then 2x bigger then it was a couple weeks ago) it is probably nothing.

But, on a happier note, I did order a hard drive. I will have it next week so I can get things formatted and set up and installed and sent down to you :)

Talk to you later :) Love you!
Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 12:03pm

I know, I'm really scared too...it totally freaked me out when I got your message...BUT, we'll get through it...we always do.

You're right...if its growing a lot, and FAST, it usually means its the nothing thing...

Can you go home??? Is Savannah coming home this weekend? You need to go home, cry...be scared, and then start accepting it and fighting WHATEVER it is NOW.

I'm so sorry this is happening...I wish I was there...we'd go out and get drunk...

Thank God for Mike...truly.

You call me at any time day or night...I have my cell on 24/7 and my house phone will be right beside me all weekend long...my Mike has a football game tomorrow from 4-7, but will be home the rest of the weekend...

Do you have pain meds, or anything to help you sleep? Rest is probably a good idea, if at all possible...

As always, if you're not doing well, I am fine...so don't you worry about bothering me...you call me if you need me...

And don't worry about that computer, but thank you so much!!!

Love you very much!

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 12:53pm

Hey - don't want to call from work, don't want to be emotional here. Could go home if I really needed to, but I have a TON due for Monday and am going to miss more time then. I am technically salaried, but for the first 3-6 months (can't remember which) you don't get paid if you are gone. Considering my insurance doesn't kick in until Dec 1, I can't afford to miss any time. Told Mike that I didn't want to nag him, but he has no choice but to find something for a job and right now. I can't even imagine how expensive this is all going to be.

He is probably going to drive to night when we go and get Savannah, hurts to turn my head, so I will most likely cry all the way there. Plus, then I can have him take Savannah downstairs and away from us so I can tell my mom. Was debating not telling her yet, until I know more, but she would be furious if I did that. Of course, if she gets crabby with me, I will lose it on her.

Getting drunk doesn't sound bad, and I just might do that anyway...have a bottle of malibu at home.

I will call you some time this weekend, most likely. Don't worry about me too much, I am sure it is fine. :)

Love
T

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 1:02pm

Well u know i'm gonna worry, but it'll all be okay...

I have a bottle of White Zinfandel I bought last night myself...I musta been manicky, I do NOT drink wine...lol. I am SO drinking some when I get home though...

I dunno how I feel today...kinda just here...which I guess is the whole point...but you know me, always looking for the excitement...the manic high...til I get it...I'm also wiped OUT from starting the Topamax again...I have to learn to get used to being stable...I am so used to being so nutso all the time...Its what I want, its just so freaking BORING!

Don't mind me...I'm just rambling...you know me well enough by now to know what is what with me...

Your mom better not get crabby...if so, lose it on her...

I am soooo ready to get outta here today...Its so quiet and I did some work this morning, but I soooo am not doing anything for the next two hours...I'd leave if I could, but the secretaries are all gone, so I'm on duty til 4:00.

You hang in there...we know it will all be okay.

If you can't talk to me this weekend, its okay. I'm praying...and Monday...TALK TO ME!

Love...