I did goooooood today!!!
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| Sat, 11-05-2005 - 7:18pm |
What I think I did right....
So I never emailed dh about when he could come over today. I didn't call him. I waited until he called me.
Earlier in the week I e-mailed him and let him know I'm going to a bipolar support group. I didn't know how he'd handle it, turns out, he was interested in me going there & asked how often I go, I could feel peace in his voice as he asked about it.
I gave him the present. I told him the reason I tried to meet him after his assessment was to give him the present - it made him cry. (If you missed the thread of the present... I got him his favorite print, matted & framed, with some words I wrote to go with the print - see below)
http://shop.store.yahoo.com/marinersmuseum/phardanlatem2.html
YOU SURVIVED
You stood alone as it came from behind and enwrapped your entire life.
It appeared you would never escape as its force crashed upon your mind, body and soul. The moment appeared to be an eternity when in truth simply a fraction of your life.
Forever transposed even as it pulls itself back. Still the storm continues to throw its mighty arms around you. Grey and murk clouds your vision. Yet every collision is weaker than the last. It reverts from where it comes.
There is beauty in such peril. A new sense of oneself as courage found to face the impended threat. You endured – life over death. You survived and now you will thrive.
-- BLUE SKIES ARE ON THE HORIZON --
I flirted slightly with him. I didn't hoover. While he was packing I played with the kids, worked, didn't stay out of his way, but didn't act like I needed to be with him.
I was respectful when I spoke of his 'love' for this other woman. Letting him know I realized it is real and he's in a hard spot.
When he apologized for moving out. I said, 'of course I want you here, but that is to make me believe you're not going to leave. In truth, I have a lot of healing to do myself and I actually need you to be away.' This way he knows I'm not just sitting around waiting to find out what he's doing, but that I'm working on myself too.
I stayed uppity and only got slightly emotional once, but he was too. This was when I helped carry stuff out to his car & he said he had to leave, I said bye in a friendly way & turned to go back into the house. He stopped me so he could give me a hug and a kiss.
I told him, 'I know I got in trouble for this before, but I don't want to crowd you. I'm going to give you space, so I will not be calling you. If you feel like talking you can call me.' Later he told me I could call him whenever I wanted (doubt I will, but if I do it won't be in the next few days).
I would say when he left to go meet the OW the 1st time he was 10% of himself. The 2nd time, 5% of himself. When I saw him last week 60% of himself. Today, 80% of himself. It was really, really hard to see him today as he is returning from this episode & I'm able to see this very attractive man I had fallen in love with and yet we have this distance.
......
So I think the first time he shows any interest in getting back together I may say, 'I'm not ready to talk about it yet, but I would love for you to take me out on a date.' I think it would be good to remind him of why he loves me before moving back in. I think it would make the move a stronger then. (If it comes to that ... my gut has not been able to see him leaving me for real, so if I seem too optimistic, ooops, sorry, but it's not over until it's over & I'm not ready to give up.)
I feel good tonight. The things he said seemed like he was sincere. He even talked about how the OW is miles & miles away and wouldn't be coming back up here for months so he has time to figure out what that is all about. I don't put it past this woman to be returning much earlier than that, especially if she feels him backing away - but at least those are his thoughts today.
My belief has always been, in addictive treatment they will say - get support from your family & do not start any new relationships. I know this is what was said when he was hospitalized 7 yrs ago. My kids and I are his ONLY family. Bipolar has already claimed the lives of his mom & uncle and estranged him from his grandmother.
HE STARTS OUTPATIENT CARE 10AM MONDAY!!! Hopefully that will do some good until, if, he gets diagnosed with BP & starts taking his meds.
THANK YOU ALL
Bonnie

Bonnie,
You did do GOOD--you GO girl!
Keepin' hopin'.
Mary (^_^)