APB for Cait and WWWM

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
APB for Cait and WWWM
3
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 6:24am

Ladies?? Where for art though?

We're all aware of what a difficult time of year this is ... for so many reasons. I hope you're just keeping busy with the holidays. But we miss you!! Please check in when you get a chance.

xoxo

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 6:50am
Oh Always!! (((hugs))) I am here. I am reading, reading, reading. I am really struggling these days and I haven't felt like I've had much to add. I tend to isolate when I get like this.

I read your post the other day. I hope you are feeling stronger & better. I felt in my bones that you were going to reach out to your xAP. It happened for a reason - just like I did it too - you learn what an icky place it is and how bad it feels to lose control of yourself. I relate to so much of what you share and it is so difficult. I learn a great deal by reading. I am not as eloquent as many of you. It's amazing when I read a post that I could/should have written and the responses from everyone help me. Even when we come back and admit we've f'ed up.

The holidays are tough. It's so crazy busy and then there's the whole Hallmark picture perfect family that's shoved down our throats. I am desperately unhappy in my M but I still have young kids at home so feel very stuck. I know I took the cowards road by having an A and trying to find some happiness from someone who did not belong to me and in the end it caused me such great unhappiness and chipped away at my already low self esteem.

See, I'm a downer!! That's why I don't post. But I am here every single day reading and trying desperately to move beyond this A. I don't feel guilt yet. I guess I am so angry at my H for not trying and for continuing his unhealthy behaviors. I was so deeply hurt by the A and xAP that in a way I feel that is my penance for what I did.

You are such a strong & classy woman and we all learn so much from you. Thank you for reaching out to me. It feels very nice to know that someone cares-
xo
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 7:16am

P.S.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 8:04am

I know it is sometimes very difficult to have anything to even say when you're feeling so down. I've felt that way many times. I am so glad you checked in, though.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.