So he contacts me! What's with that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
So he contacts me! What's with that?
9
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 2:59pm

I can't believe he did that. I was very firm in my email...I told him to please respect my wishes and not contact me again.

How much clearer could I have been? Did he read what I wrote? Why did he write back...do they really have to have the last word? I am really hacked off with him now.

I deleted the email without reading it so no idea what he said but it was probably some condescending tripe about how we could still be friends blah blah...whatever. What part of leave me alone did he not get?

Do they do this as some sort of power trip? I'm astonished. I really thought he would walk away without a word.

It threw me completely, now I feel like I've been hit in the stomach and the first thing I did was break down and cry.

Really cross right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 3:16pm

Lulu -

It's VERY common. He'll probably try again until he realizes that you really mean it. My xap stalked me for a month - drove by my house and my work - scared the bejeezus out of me. It's up to YOU to stay strong and not reply. I'm so proud of you for deleting the email without reading it - that's the right thing to do. If you can, block his email address so his emails won't even come through - that way you won't be tempted to read anything he writes. It could be a power trip - more likely he doesn't want to lose his little side dish. Keep looking forward and stay strong!

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 11:42pm

Maybe that'll learn me for trying to end it sweetly.

I always fantasised about sending him an email that read: "It's over. You're an idiot. PS: I faked it."

Mwahaha....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 12:17am

Miss Lulu,

"It's over. You're an idiot. PS: I faked it."

LOL you are hilarious, maybe we can send a collective group email!!! Keep the humour coming, we need it.

It infuriates me to hear of XAPs attempts to contact when it's over (I'm going through this at present). When we made the decision to stop seeing them we gained that power back, the power of our sense of selves that we lost whilst in the fog.

XAPs hate losing that power, with a passion. Remember that these are men that thrive on the ego feeds we gave them, and poof gone, they are no longer getting them. We told them more or less, we don't want you anymore...ouch that hurt their egos.

Lulu, stay focused, keep your eye on the prize - FREEDOM. Free to be the wonderful people that we could be.

Thinking of you
V888
xxxxx

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 1:00am
yes - it is totally par for the course! you did AMAZING in NOT reading it and in getting angry. My xAP did the same. RELENTLESS fishing ... I had to lose work, leave an office, cut off mutual friends & miss out on much professional gain to keep a distance from him & his fishing. NOPE - they really don't tend to hear what we say because we've taught them that we have no self-esteem or boundaries worth respecting. ENDING the affair and going NC is the first step in establishing expectations and sticking to them. NOW it's your turn to show xAP just what you're made of, and what you are no longer willing to tolerate.

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 4:29am

I don't suppose I'm allowed to say what I really wanted to send..."It's over.You're an idiot. PS: I wasn't sure if it was in, so I faked it."

Ooooh sorry...!!!!!

Just kidding around.

I have had a God-awful migraine all day, felt really unwell and nauseous. I guess that's how it's manifesting itself. I did have the urge several times to contact him but didn't. I kept thinking...what for? The migraine is infinitely better than the emotional turmoil of being in the A. And I know in my heart that it will pass.

A friend sent an email to both of us tonight. It felt uncomfortable seeing his name in the email list.

I've never been very good at asking for help...but I'm doing it now. This is my life we're talking about, and I don't want to leave anything to chance.

Thank you all for being so lovely.

Arohanui..."much love", in Maori.

xxx

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 6:28am
Well okay then...you told brick head that you were done and he didn't get it...so now the big guns come out. It's block and walk time, which sounds like you are already implementing (good for you not reading the "but, but, but..." email. It would have been just more hot cyber air that would have had you feeling worse than you already were. There comes a time when there is JUST NOTHING left to day, KWIM? Carry on and lean on us whenever you need to, and may I add that I am very proud of you.

((Hugs)))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 12:53pm

Hi Lulu,

So proud of you...I dont know if i could have deleted the email without reading especially so early in the breakup.

You are too funny!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2009
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 1:17pm

Obviously I don't know any details of your A, or its ending, nor do you know any of mine, but let me offer you ladies another perspective.

Yes, in an ideal world - which this one certainly isn't - you can engage in an affair, and when you are "done" (for whatever reason), you can just inform your AP it's over, and boom, never hear from him (her) again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 1:18pm

Oh believe me, I was fleetingly tempted...but he was in trash (all his mail is now diverted there) and I just hit the delete button an instant later.

What got me was that I had been very, very specific. I said, "Please respect my wishes and don't contact me again."

Which he proceeded to blatantly ignore, not for MY benefit, but for his own selfish neediness.

I still have a slight headache and I keep getting flutterings of panic...but am telling myself that those are just leftover remnants from childhood abandonment (long story and squillions of bucks shelled out to a therapist later) and actually, the grown up part of me has made a mature and loving decision.