NC reset for Grandma

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
NC reset for Grandma
24
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 10:18pm

Alright - some of you may know I referenced that X(barf)ap showed up bearing frankencense & myrrhe for the Baby!

I could have averted my steps to AVOID any contact, but I did NOT. I spoke with him. Im not going to make an excuse or justify it

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 10:42pm
I know this is completely non-related and irrelevant, but how do I post something without responding to someone else's post?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 10:53pm

hahhahah thats ok - you hit the

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 10:59pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 11:03pm

If you go to the top Menu Blue Writing Orange >, where it says general discussions.

Click on that

Then Theres a blue button down towards the top of the Board that says "Start A discussion"

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 2:18am

First off, congrats Grammy!

When you mentioned the farm....e i e

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 6:20am

M~

I loved your post. You articulated beautifully the truth of how reality can slap us upside the head when given the opportunity. Because I had to see Xmm every day AFTER the A ended, I couldn't put visual space between us to where I if I did run into him again later down the road, I would notice the icks and ughs of his demeaner and appearance. I had to literally disengage my emotions one day at a time by not even looking at him as we spoke. I would bury my head in a folder if I had to ask him anything, changed my work space around so my back was to him, come into work late so he would already be upstairs, leave work early while he was still in his office, etc. After several months of doing this I was able to be more objective, and WHOA! He looked darn right awful to me. He had put on weight, the bags under his eyes were bigger, his hair was more gray than I had remembered, and this was when reality hit me between the eyes. Who was this person and what in world was I ever attracted to? My guess is that he always looked this way but those rose colored glasses act like air brushes, hiding all of the uglies that we just didn't want to see.

Nothing like a cold bucket of reality poured over our heads, eh? But what gets under by crawl most is that your JAM had the audacity to even show his face at such an intimate family moment, as if his presense was the missing link to make it all perfect. (Excuse me while I puke). How dare he!!! Do you think for one moment we could have just popped in on one of their intimate family gatherings, bearing gifts and congratulatory comments? I think not, A$$hole.

I really don't see any reason for you to reset your NC counter if in fact, he showed up unexpectedly. Now, if he had called first and asked you if it was alright to stop by, then Yes, but only you know how it came down. Just be honest with yourself and do what you think you need to do on this one.

Congratulations again, Grandma. I have 3 of those little darlings and they are blessings from above that we need to be ever so thankful for. You are in a great position now to lock the door on your past forever. Just around the corner is a NEWLIFE for one of EAS's finest. :smileyvery-happy:

(((Hugs)))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 7:00am

Oh, Michelle. I am so onboard with you regarding your entire post! You broke NC (and so did I) and though the counter goes back to zero, what is most import is what is going on inside. NC is one of the tools that gets us to the point of indifference, but there are many other tools in the bag, too.

You realizations are fabulous. All the smoke and fog has cleared and you are able to see everything for what it was. Dang, girl. I am so happy for you!! Keep on rockin' it, sista.

Love ya,

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 8:45am

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 10:15am
Michelle, I loved what you came to realize when faced with xap intruding on your familys time together to celebrate an important event to your family. You really got it that it was all about his wants and needs, he doesn't seem to have thought at all about the feelings you would be feeling about the new life who has come into your life. He is very selfish and I loved that you saw straight threw him that he was and never will be what you want in your life. You have turned a corner into the next chapter of your new life:) Hugs to you<3
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 11:55am

aw Michelle! I am inspired!!

I read your post more than once. It was so good!! You know something? I actually pictured myself in your shoes, me on the front porch of my house talking to xAP and being disgusted and bewildered on what I ever saw in him. You are an incredible woman and a most excellent writer. I am so inspired to go on and get to where you are in this ending process.

I actually think it was a good thing that NC was broken in this situation so that you could make giant leaps in your recovery from this toxic A. Seems to be it was perfect timing for you to see his ugliness in the broad daylight of his BS. Yay!

xxoo

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!

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