Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Keli
3
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 11:17am

Hey girl! How you holding up? Have you talked with Eric yet about the rhumatoid? You need to do that. You KNOW how supportive he is and he will be right there for you. When you are comfortable telling your mom and dad...then tell them. Until you are comfortable, why worry about it?

I'm hanging on. The codeine isn't as friendly today as it was yesterday. Had a long night and am very tired and blah today. I'm sure part of it is the stress of waiting for the surgery, but it is coming up quickly.

Am trying to figure out the best way to deal with my friend Sara. Finally told her last night (was suppose to get togehter with her 2 weeks ago and just kind of fell out of touch instead), she is insistant that she come and sit with me at the hospital. I REALLY don't want anyone there. I was going to let Mike, because I know how good he would be for me if he were there, but he HATES hospitals and is really struggling emotionally with this whole thing so I pushed us into deciding that it would be better if he left before they knocked me out and went home to be there for Savannah. He IS going to come up afterward to bring me some books and movies, but that's going to be a short visit. I'm going to be drugged and tired and miserable...why would I want company? Oh well - maybe she will forget.

Anyway, otherwise all is well. Hang in there and I'll talk to you soon!

Love ya!
Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: th305899
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 11:39am

Hey you...no, I'm not doing well at all...hurting like heck...all over my body...i hate it...I have told my family...but they don't know the EXTENT of how I feel...I just say I hurt, or I don't feel good...they don't know exactly how bad it is for me right now...I am very down about so many things...BP being the LEAST of them for a change...amazingly enough...but the depression is setting in, and I know it is because of the constant physical pain I am in...I'm always very very very tired...no energy whatsoever...I didn't get to work this morning until 10:30. Bill has been very supportive, I told him earlier, before my dr. appt that I was having trouble, but I thought it was FMS. He hasn't said a word about my being off, or late, like I have been...I couldn't deal with that now too...He's off this afternoon, thank goodness...I'm just going to sit here, I can't do much else...I'm trying to keep moving, so I don't stiffen up, but it hurts so much all the time...

I have to go to my parents in the morning...taking mom to the doctor...then to walmart and around this weekend...don't feel like it, but i can't just STOP...it might do me good to get away from my house for the weekend...

I'm really broke...I thought I'd made like a $50 error in my acccount...but I found out the stupid DVD club took out $52 for 2 movies that I didn't decline like 2 months or more ago...they never took it out, because the money wasn't there then...omg, i can't wait to be done with them...so, now i have to wait til they send them, then send them back, and wait on the credit thing...

As for your friend Sara, you don't want to be bothered, and frankly, you don't NEED to be bothered. I know she means WELL, but when you're in the hospital, you are at your worst, and you just want to sleep, not try to entertain...I know when I am there, I don't even like visitors...even in the psych ward...I just want to be alone...

I'm so sorry you have to go through this...but just keep thinking the end is in sight...you'll do the surgery, get your stitches, heal up and be done! Thank God...

I talked to the H word...don't yell at me!!! It was a nice civil conversation that didn't steer off into anything it shouldn't have...just chit chat, how are you, kind of stuff...course now, I just want to talk to him more...but I won't...he would only want more, and I don't...I won't do that to him again. Enough hurt in one lifetime. I just wish he would be my friend...I miss him that way so much. And of course, every song on the radio now reminds me of old times...what gives with that?

The weather is just gorgeous here...80s, sunshine...and I'm depressed, decrepit, and despondent...wow. WTF!

I really miss the old days...when I had friends, when I had energy, when I had a good body that didn't turn on me, when I was young and crazy...when I wasn't fat...when I didn't have mood swings...

God, I'm going to cry if I keep this up, so I'm going to go...too late...god! I'm just so tired and in so much pain...i hate this...

Love you very much,

Keli

Oh well...I'm eating marshmallows out of the bag...lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: th305899
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 1:35pm

MMMMM - Marshmallows!!!

Nah, I won't yell at you about the H word. But you should just let it go.

I'm not doing very good either. VERY VERY Blah. Am in a little pain, not a lot because of the codeine, but my voice is worse. My boss commented that it looks a little smaller today, and it REALLY seems like it, especially around my ear, but I am so gah-gah from the meds. Am happier then I can express that I am going to the dr this afternoon because otherwise I don't know how I would make it through the day.

Anyway, hang in there - we both will. I have to say I do feel like the luckier right now because I just have to deal short term with this and the rhumatoid is long term for you :(
Isn't fair for me to compare them.

As for wishing you had the body you had when you are younger - I don't know ANYONE who doesn't think that. Part of it isn't bp or meds or arthritis, it's age and motherhood. Start looking at it a little different - almost like battle scars. You know you have lived life, at times beyond the fullest. You can't do that and NOT have wear and tear on your body :)

Will try and talk to you later - am just not very social right now.

Love you!
Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: th305899
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 1:44pm

Oh, please don't worry about not talking...I'm SOOOOOO not social right now either...I have about decided that I'm going back home in a few minutes...I feel absolutely HORRID.

Try to take care this weekend and get some rest...I hope you have less pain...

Everyone I've talked to with RA says I'll have good days again, but it just doesn't feel like it right now...as always, I will be okay again.

Love you