I'm sorry
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| Sat, 11-12-2005 - 11:17am |
That I really haven't been here. I want to be here but I just don't seem to make it. It seems that no one seems to understand both BP & BPD so I'm running between 2 boards and with my emotional state the way it is, it is just too much. I feel badly because I am the host of the Anxiety Chat on Tuesday night so I feel that I should get to that board a few times a week so that I know what is going on with the members so come chat I can address certain issues with them but that isn't happening either. I feel like I fell into a hole and now both my BP & BPD are taking control of me. Somehow I lost control of them and now I am paying the price for that. I suppose my doubt of the dx's didn't help and so now I'm facing them head on. Ugh, I wish I could explain this better but I can't and worst of all I seem to have crawled into myself. I have turned to no one for help and that is just the worst thing to do but who understands?! I belong to an email group, we've been friends for 5yrs now, one of the women asked me if I was ok and needless to say I went off on a rant. It was angry yet sad all at the same time. She was the only one to email me on the side and talk with me, the other 12 didn't touch it. They don't know how and that is the case for most of the other people in my life. I haven't let dh in yet and I know he will try the best he can to understand but as we all know it's impossible for someone else to understand if they are so called "normal"
I guess I just needed to vent. I hope it's ok that I did it here. I can just feel the mix of emotions churning in my gut, I've lost control and I know it : (
Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,
Danielle
Host of Tuesday Night Anxiety, Panic & Phobia's Chat 7 - 9 pm MST
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown
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