Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tracey
5
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 10:37am

I hope you are doing okay...I just read your post from Friday, we were off for Veteran's day...

Not doing well at all...see my post under Donna's Keli post...i can't even type it all out again...

I don't know what to do at this point, is probably why I'm so depressed...I'm stuck here and I am really pretty bad off...I probably shouldn't be...I probably should be trying to find the positives, but there just aren't any as hard as I look for them...

I am praying for you, that you feel okay until Wednesday...and then that you have a speedy recovery...hopefully, this will all be over very soon for you...I know how bad its been...

Don't worry about me, okay? I'll be fine, somehow or another...I'll be fine...I always find a way.

Love you very much,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: keli003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 10:51am

Hey you

I'm hanging in there. Not very upbeat, but faking it as much as I can. Extremely tired, and the codeine is messing up my system but otherwise I am going to be ok.

Don't sweat the fight with dh. You know how they get - he is stressed and worried about you, and probably scared himself when he hit mike that hard...meant to be playing. They don't like to show concern, especially to their boys. He wasn't using was he? That would be the only difference in my response to it.

Hate to say it, but your Eric and my Mike have GOT to get working. Mike got a slight reprieve because I can't drive right now, he really can't start any new jobs, but he is on a SHORT leash too. Eric needs to start working regularly. There isn't any valid reason he doesn't.

Call pdoc about the lamictal. Maybe she can help you with something. You need to have it. I can really tell now that I don't have the lithium in my system, but too bad. They don't want me on ANYTHING other then the 3 meds they gave me at the ENT's office. I finish the antibiotics today, the prednisone (sp?) finishes up Thursday, so I probably will stop it Wed (LOL) and I have enough codeine for another week. Still, the codeine is wrecking havoc with my stomach so I am going to request a different pain killer after surgery.

Savannah finally got brave enough to ask me some questions about what was going to happen on Wednesday, which made me feel good. She isn't worried and now is comfortable with what is going on.

You just hang on, and talk to your drs. Make sure they know that where bp is concerned, you are doing well (and I think you are too - even though you really ARE down, it isn't a BP depression that you can't understand/cope with, it is because of your physical pain). They need to give you something stronger for pain, and refer you somewhere to help with med costs so you can get them.

Keep in touch, I'll be checking here for ya.

Love you tons too :)
Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 11:09am

Yes, he does have to start working, and no he wasn't using...punk...he knows better...still hate him...and i'm not speaking to him until he apologizes for yelling at me like that...

I just called my GP's office to ask about the referral to the Rheumy...something has GOT to give...I can't deal with this anymore and I know it...

The BP is doing really well actually...its just this physical crap that's causing the depression...I know it, you know it...

My pdoc already gave me another sample pack of the Lamictal, so I bet she won't give me another...I have another 4-5 days of it, so I'm going to tell Eric to get his you know what out there and get some money so I can go get it...this is freaking ridiculous...at this point, I don't care if he gets mad, frustrated, stressed, or not...

I have to run to Walmart at lunch and take back this sweater I bought...I didn't like it after I bought it, and it came in handy that I waited, for the cash...

I gotta get myself together here, stop feeling sorry for myself and be proactive! That's why I called the GP's office...they WILL get me the referral today.

The positives are:

1. I can still walk, get up and down, and I am not dead...lol.
2. My BP is doing well.
3. Its very nice weather outside.
4. Though I'm broke, I have food to eat, and the means to survive.
5. I have a good job.
6. Though I am in pain, I can still do many things that some people cannot do.
7. It won't last forever.
8. I can go home today, and take a hot bath, and lay down.
9. I have friends who truly care about me and my well being.
10. I can still think of the positives when I put my mind to it.
11. Though it doesn't always feel like its so, I am very strong and have come through much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: keli003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 12:59pm

I am VERY proud of you for targeting your positives and keeping them in mind. It isn't the easiest thing to do, but you are doing awesome. I am thrilled that you had the forthought to contact drs already...see how smart you are!!!

And you are also correct, no matter how stressed or upset or depressed it makes him, Eric NEEDS to work. It isn't fair or right for you to be bearing the financial burden for your family. He KNOWS you guys aren't making ends meet and there are so many things you need financially right now...he has to start pulling his weight. Goodness gracious, you are the one with the physical illnesses - he is healthy. I gave Mike a similar speech not long ago. Thankfully he is working at least a little most weeks so it brings in money for his cigarettes and some extras for me.

I talked to my sister last night, and Mom called her after our fight too. Told my sister straight out that I was mad at her and started to explain how unreasonable I was for being angry - my sister cut her off at the knees and straightened her butt out. Good thing too - am going to call her and ask if I can borrow her laptop while I am in the hospital to watch movies. LOL! Just dread calling her though - my sister was telling me last night that my dad struck again - he activated a home equity line of credit against the house (in mom's name, without her knowledge) and has been putting off the calls for the past month from the bank to mom about it - he spent 37K (at the casino of course). She is beyond livid...but I am not going to let her vent about it to me. He takes 30-40K from her almost every year, time for her to shut up or do something about it. There isn't anything I can do to fix it for her.

Anyway, I am going to get back to work and finish eating so I can dope myself up further. I don't know if I have mentioned, but I REALLY hate codeine.

You keep hanging on, and don't let your caretaker attitude kick in - let people help you, call the drs, MAKE Eric and Mike help you. I'll check back here again later.

Lots of love
T

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 2:21pm

Hey...still here, lol.

Feeling more positive...stronger...dunno why exactly, other than I'm sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself...yes, i'm in pain, but so what...all i can do is try to get it taken care of and do whatever it takes to keep living my life. And not a "modified" life either...MY LIFE.

I have come through so much worse, and this will NOT beat ME. Period.

Haven't done any work today, lol...but oh well...its only Monday.

Its so hot here...its been mid 80s and humid...ugh. But not complaining! Hate the cold.

I'm so glad your sister talked to your Mom, and I hate what your Dad did, but you're right, do not let her vent to you about it...not right now...you don't need that and you can't do anything about it...it would only make you worse before your surgery on Wednesday.

Went to Walmart at lunch, returned the sweater, it was more than I remembered paying, so was able to get gas and a few things I needed...then tomorrow I get my cash rewards on my credit card...so this week is taken care of...am going to write Eric a letter probably tomorrow or so, getting somethings off my chest...like the job thing...its just easier that way for me...he has to work for himself this week to get the $$ for my Lamictal and the money for Mike's football banquet on Friday night...

Things are what they are...have to stop stressing so much over the small stuff and let the big stuff work itself out...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: keli003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 4:06pm

Glad you were able to buck yourself up like that. Sometimes we DO need to take some time and whine and feel sorry for ourselves and wallow in self-pity. It is good for you from time to time. But you have to be able to pull yourself back up and get back to functioning. You continually amaze me in your ability to do this to yourself...sometimes without even allowing yourself the self-pity part first.

Just like with our BP - I am sure you are going to need to be proactive and convince yourself (as you are doing) that this isn't it. You are fighting to maintain a lifestyle of YOUR chosing, not your physical condition's choice.

I love when you return something and get back more then you thought you were going to. Always is a good thing. I have a blouse I should return, but keep forgetting to.

Surprisingly, I have gotten a LOT done today, althought I am sure there are some errors in there. Our phones are quieting down until after Thanksgiving (having said that, tomorrow will probably be crazy) so I can actually get as much done as possible for Wed. It is cool and overcast here - was a good coating of frost on the ground when I got up. There is a chance of light snow shower tomorrow - Mike is praying it comes hard and heavy. He just wants to play in the snow LOL!

Stand firm on Eric working. I have been too, even though it makes me feel like a nag, but sometimes they need us to nag them.

I'll talk to you later!
T