'Tis the season

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
'Tis the season
7
Sat, 12-25-2010 - 7:12am

I'm ashamed.

It would have been 5 weeks on Monday but i broke NC. He stalked me yesterday, in the shopping centre car park, he knew I would be there being Christmas Eve, he was away overseas for 3 weeks and i rejected all his attempts to contact me, until that point.

I was shaking when i saw him, he wanted to talk, and me the FOOL let him sit in my car, to talk. He told me the usual, he loves me wants me in his life blah blah blah, and i told him the usual i love him but I can't do it anymore blah blah. Lots of back and forth ego stroking/feeding, you know the drill.

I have no intention of getting back with him, and I clarified that with him AGAIN, I don't want any part of this A crap in my life. I have too much to lose and so does he. I can't believe I let him sit in my car and told him that I loved him too, I shouldn't have said that, I just wanted him to know that yes we have strong feelings for each other but we can't be together, please let it be.

What is wrong with me? I saw him and I buckled, i should have just driven off, but i just couldn't do that to him, he has always been nice to me. I feel sick, that old, awful anxiety feeling has come back.

Thank God i'm going away tomorrow with my H and children, a change of scenery would be good for me.

I'm sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sat, 12-25-2010 - 7:32am

So I wake up and my little ones are still asleep. They are here with me and I am thankful. I am D for too many reasons to write about. I am now a single mom and it is tough in many regards.

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
Sat, 12-25-2010 - 11:27am

Dear, dear Vanessa...it is killing me inside to read your post.

You playing with a d-day like that. Risking it ALL for what? A few fleeting moments of

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sat, 12-25-2010 - 11:32am

great post FL....I wish you much peace in the current storm you are in, please continue to post and find and give comfort here.

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sat, 12-25-2010 - 11:57am

V8's ---

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 9:05pm
Luvin,

Thank you so much for being there for me on Christmas Day, sorry for my late response i have been away with my family and just returned today. I am without doubt recommitting to NC, I too have little ones and i cannot jepordise there well being for my selfish needs. EMM has attempted to since contact me, through my cell, you are probably wondering why i haven't changed my number but my cell number is an established number used for my business and i could potentially lose income as a result of the change. I'm not really affected by his calls i simply hang up on recognition of his voice. Seeing him as i had, is a totally different story.

Luvin, I also wanted to extend my wishes and prayers to your sister and your family during this difficult time.

Love
V888
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 9:10pm

RBM,

Thank you so much for your time and advice on Christmas Day, you are right, one thing i wasn't was prepared for such an encounter. I most definitely cannot afford a dday, i pray to God i never have one, not so much for the effect it will have on me but what it would do to my innocent children and H.

Love
V888

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 9:18pm
((((((FL))))))))

In no way, shape or form do i take any of what you have written here negatively. I have followed your story right from the beginning, it stood out for me because our stories are very similar, i am aware of the turmoil you must be going through at present given your recent dday and therefore truly appreciate, with all my heart, all that you say here, and have received it as gospel. Thank you so much for your time. Please let me know how you are going.

Love and strength
V888