Really didn't enjoy xmas this year

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Really didn't enjoy xmas this year
7
Sun, 12-26-2010 - 12:33am

I guess I'm not supposed to enjoy it after ending an A right?

Aside from last year at this time when I was going through my divorce, this has to be the toughest holiday season emotionally in over a decade. These last few days have been tortuous with trying to steer thoughts away from xAP and what he is up to, how he is loving his wife, etc.

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010

just try to channel

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009

Man, I feel ya.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010

Sunshine,

Keep the faith. As Dee said, each day out of the A takes you further away from the pain and suffering. It really, really does. Unfortunately, there's just no easy route around the struggle and hurt. You just have to work through it one moment at a time. Have faith. Our vets wouldn't lie to us. They wouldn't be here, investing in us newbies, if they didn't know the truth.

Hugs,

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009

Sunshine-

I'm so sorry you are down. I think the holidays are an 'emotion intensifier'.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Sunshine ... I was right where you were this time last year. I was beyond sad, I was seriously emotionally spent. I had tear stains down my cheeks and I can't even look at pictures of myself from that time: I looked horrid. This year? I glow! Even though my H and I are separated we pulled off the MOST amazing holidays with ALL our extended family. We laughed so hard our belly's hurt. We cooked, we played games, we have traveled out of town to visit family - and what's different? I AM SO PRESENT AND SO MUCH HEALTHIER!!! I can't believe how much better my life is today, JUST 365 days later ... that really isn't all that much time to do a complete 180. Nope, my life is far from perfect, and I daily deal with the wave of emotions that come with the thoughts of all the hurt I have caused my children and my H, and with the realization that we won't be together as partners again, but through this holiday experience I have learned, that NO ONE is going to tell US how to do "separated parenting" ... we are going to enjoy one another's families, we are going to keep working to put our children first, and I am going to keep Becoming the best me that I can - WE are ALL benefiting from the new & improved TU. Words can't describe what EAS has done for me and my family. I am telling you newbies, I promise you, that if you stick with NC and DO THE WORK that is required to move on with your life, NEXT YEAR WILL TOTALLY ROCK. Ya, there will be the normal struggles of everyday life in the real world, but you will have the confidence in yourself to KNOW that you have developed the skills necessary to face those challenges head on instead of running to the easiest FIX to escape.

You will feel free & SAFE.

Stay the course.

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

(((((((Sunshine))))))

YOULL MAKE IT!!!

I hope youre feeling better today - but if NOT...OMG!!! I WOULD LOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEE love love! To see the art you create surrounding these feelings!!!!

If you do create - can you take a pic and post it??!?!

My gosh - I wish I had that talent. Maybe I should just throw the color that represents my heart on a canvas right now - BLACK. :)

In all seriousness darling, Please USE YOUR TALENTS that God has given you to express your pain - As well as PLACE THAT FOCUS OF LOVE on your little girl. She needs her Mommy's full devotion and love. :)

Lifting you up to Cloud 9, Sunshine!!!!!!

xo,

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010