Not well - where to begin? Poss. Trigs
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 11-16-2005 - 9:26am |
as you all know i've been in a mixed state for a good many days. well, aside from the rage, the depression is predominant.
i have a doctor's appointment today to have a lump i found checked out. i'm worried sick about it. to the point where other parts of my body are aching and hurting, causing me to worry more........like my mid-back and my low back where kidneys and lungs are. so my mind is automatically going to the worst.
then, last night dd(16) finally took my advice of 5 years and wrote her dad (xh) an e-mail telling him how she feels and why. they have had a very strained relationship ever since we split. i knew nothing of this e-mail until he responded to her and she came to me in tears. she allowed me to read the email she sent which was not nasty in any way, but just honest about how she felt. so, he naturally turns around and rips her a new one blaming her for the demise of their relationship and making it all about him. "I'm broke" "I shouldn't have to call you - you should call me" etc. This upset dd to the point of being physically ill. she is home from school today and i'm at a loss as to what to do. i know she can't stay home and hide, but yet if she's getting sick, they won't take her at school either.
i just don't know what to do with it all right now. i'm terrified that the doctor's appointment will reveal my worst fear. i'm afraid of what may happen if my fear is realized. i feel like i'm coming unglued.
thanks for listening.
traci



Hugs Traci. I wish I had more to offer. I am sure your daughter will get through this. It may take a little while, but she will. She will probably get very angry first, I would think. It may stregthen your relationship with her, who knows.
Going to the doctor today should ease your fears some. I will keep my fingers crossed for good news. Keep us posted.
Missy
ok hon....breathe for me !!!!!
you are in this state for so many reasons....get passed the doctors appt first.
I would call your dd's tdoc and get her in immediately !!!
God could not be everywhere, so
Traci,
Hugs...you're going to be okay...you DO know that your BP is trying to kick your butt with all this, don't you? When something happens to trigger us, BP feeds on it and we freak the heck out! Get through the doctor appointment first...I agree with Donna too about your dd...she needs a tdoc appt...
I'm not sure where you are with your pdoc and your meds...but they need adjusting...you are having waaaaay too many swings lately...its been going on now for a while...I know you have outside stressors happening, but I really think you'd be able to handle things better if your meds were working better.
We're here for you and with you through it all...I know you feel alone and angry and scared to death...and those feelings are okay to have...but you have to stop them at some point and not let the "BP monster" take over and cause you to really freak yourself out...easier said than done, I know...btdt.
Keep us posted please.
We love you here...
Keli
OMG Tracy!! You have just described my ex to a T! Ever since my ex and I split my daughter (18) has been dragged through the mud by him. He hasn't called her in 4 years and the only reason she knows he's alive is that she called him a few times. Everytime they talked he started on her about how now that he pays support he can't afford to come visit (but it was ok for me to live in poverty and scrape money for gas to pick her up before I had custody).
The man makes triple what me and my current hubby do. She told him that it was his responsibility as a dad to keep in touch with her and her went off telling her not to tell him about reponsibility that he pays for her support. HE JUST DOESN'T GET IT AND HE NEVER WILL. That's our conclusion.
Please, please, please do not beat yourself up about this. I have explained to my daughter that even though he has been mean and vendictive, it's not against her but he's doing it because he knows it hurts me. I also told her that she can't be responsible for how her dad CHOOSES to act and that HE is the one loosing out on a beautiful thing. I don't know about you but that was a main reason for my discision to leave him. he was always mean. Please emphasize to her that some people, just shouldn't be parents and she must NOT feel responsible for his shotcomings. I know exactly what you are going through. Hugs Deb
(((((Traci))))),
I have some idea what you're going through with the lump (DD is having her rescheduled needle biopsy tomorrow, not sure how long it will be before she gets the results), but I also know the chances of it being anything of major concern are huge in comparison to it being someting to worry about.
thank you everyone for all of your encouragement. i just got back from the doc and she thinks it's just an infection and prescribed me an antibiotic along with instructions to take a hot soak a couple of times a day. she said if doing that makes it worse to come straight back in, but right now she doesn't think it's anything major. she told me i shouldn't let my mind go straight to the worst. ha! i've lost 3 family members to cancer - all within 5 years. being bp doesn't help that either. but i'm trying to get into the mindset that she's right and that it is nothing.
as for dd and xh - i called tdoc and she arranged her schedule to have dd and i come in tonight and talk this thing out. i've tried explaining to dd that what she did was in way bad, nasty or mean. the e-mail was beautifully written in fact. and she did what she needed to do. and i told her that her father (xh) needs to realize that it's not all about him. and above all i told her NOT to feel guilty, which she does because of the tounge lashing he gave her. but coming from me it's "just mom" trying to make her feel better. tdoc and i both agree that if it comes from both of us maybe dd will start to feel a bit better.
dd also has a pdoc appointment tonight before tdoc so that should be good. i was supposed to have mine tonight too, but with the new insurance and having to pay up front, i couldn't afford 2 visits in one night, so i have to reschedule mine. i agree that i probably need an adjustment of some sort. i just need to get the money together to get it taken care of. it's never dull in this household.
thanks again everyone. it means a lot to me to know i have so much support and such good friends.
hugs & love,
traci