Feeling so very low
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Feeling so very low
| Mon, 12-27-2010 - 4:57pm |
I've been very sporadic on this board for well over a year now..... some of you will recognize my name/story, others will not....
I think what I'm struggling most with, is being #3. When we

Wow, this is a tough post for me to reply to because in some ways, I was like your xAP.
Hey whydid,
I too am new to the boards but I just wanted to say welcome, and if you are truly committed to getting free from this affair there are some very wise women here who can hold your hand and lead you out of the dark.
Dear Whydid,
You picked the perfect place to come to and vent. We all hear you. I am so happy that you've decided to seek out T. I hope your T is as helpful as my current one (my first was good, but didn't push me hard enough. My current T is incredible and I've made heaps of discoveries in a short amount of time). Getting T, asking questions, digging deep within yourself are all part of the HARD work it takes to understand, then overcome the A. Remember that "healing" doesn't mean getting over xAP. It means fixing what is broken inside of yourself.
The longer you stay NC, stay here and receive T, the more you are going to see and understand that this is all about you--your issues, your mental health, your growth.
I am 10 or 11 weeks out tomorrow (I have to check my calendar at work) and I can't tell you how great I feel. Like everyone, I was a basket case in the beginning. There were days I never even lifted my head off my desk at work. I just sat there and sobbed like the world had ended. Then I'd have days of amazing clarity, then days of pity, then days of "whatever", then more days of sorrow. My head hurt from thinking so much. It goes like that for quite some time until you start to put all the puzzle pieces together. Things start to make sense. Every step is built upon another. This process WORKS!
Regarding your M, I urge you not to feel rushed into doing anything right now. You MUST fix yourself before you can even begin to see your marriage with healthy eyes. You can't possibily know what is the best thing to do--stay or go--in your current state of mind. My M needs a lot of work, too. Just three or four weeks ago I was pretty sure I was leaving. But things are changing for the better because I HAVE CHANGED for the better. I still don't know what direction my M is going to go, but I can honestly say it is a whole lot better now that I am fully present in my M and engaging with my H. It has become mutual and I'm liking it.:smileyhappy:
Hi Whydid,
I agree with the other gals here. You need to first and foremost, focus on YOU and