why do people continue to take (TRIG)
Find a Conversation
why do people continue to take (TRIG)
| Thu, 11-17-2005 - 2:28pm |
advantage...ok..yeah..i know the answer...cause i LET THEM!
but it seems for every time i say...do not treat me like this .it makes me UNHAPPY,the other person has an explanation.one of those mind ****ing explanations that leave you without an answer,you know?
to tell the truth as happy & carefree as my outward appearance is lately,i admit i have been hiding behind a phoney case of the flu.
if i had a gun to shoot myself with i would in a heartbeat.if i could get myself over to the bridge i would jump.
i cannot stand the man i am married to & it has nothing to do w/ my bp.
& there is nothing i can do about it b/c i am the sick one in my family.
my in laws are horrible people who are incredibly self centered & everything i do is looked at under a microscope.my mother claims it hurts her that i avoid her but i avoid her so she won't hurt me.
i feel as tho anytime i say anything it's the wrong thing...here or anywhere.the one good friend i thought i had...that really GOT it you know,i had recently gotten close to his wife..our kids had gotten close(my dd got a crush that is)& today he calls me up to feed his own addiction....sex.i asked him...does he want to make me unhappy ?b/c when he talks to me like that it makes me unhappy.
of course...a manipulator being what a manipulator is he gives me a song & dance about how can LIVING in the MOMENT & having a climax make me unhappy & yada yada with(& here's the kicker ladies & gents)NO ONE GETS HURT(which i guess is code for wife husband & kids don't find out & i guess they gotta keep saying that to make themselves beleive it).
i'm sick.
of everyone & of myself.
i don't feel like a person.i feel like something my kids kick around & my h complains to.
if i could wrap myself up into one emotion it's sad.i'm just very very sad.
but it seems for every time i say...do not treat me like this .it makes me UNHAPPY,the other person has an explanation.one of those mind ****ing explanations that leave you without an answer,you know?
to tell the truth as happy & carefree as my outward appearance is lately,i admit i have been hiding behind a phoney case of the flu.
if i had a gun to shoot myself with i would in a heartbeat.if i could get myself over to the bridge i would jump.
i cannot stand the man i am married to & it has nothing to do w/ my bp.
& there is nothing i can do about it b/c i am the sick one in my family.
my in laws are horrible people who are incredibly self centered & everything i do is looked at under a microscope.my mother claims it hurts her that i avoid her but i avoid her so she won't hurt me.
i feel as tho anytime i say anything it's the wrong thing...here or anywhere.the one good friend i thought i had...that really GOT it you know,i had recently gotten close to his wife..our kids had gotten close(my dd got a crush that is)& today he calls me up to feed his own addiction....sex.i asked him...does he want to make me unhappy ?b/c when he talks to me like that it makes me unhappy.
of course...a manipulator being what a manipulator is he gives me a song & dance about how can LIVING in the MOMENT & having a climax make me unhappy & yada yada with(& here's the kicker ladies & gents)NO ONE GETS HURT(which i guess is code for wife husband & kids don't find out & i guess they gotta keep saying that to make themselves beleive it).
i'm sick.
of everyone & of myself.
i don't feel like a person.i feel like something my kids kick around & my h complains to.
if i could wrap myself up into one emotion it's sad.i'm just very very sad.

((((((((((((((SUZIQ))))))))))))
I really don't know what to say right now...just wanted to give you big hugs, let you know we are here for you, and we love you...
no one judges on this board...its what makes it the place to go, to trust.
God could not be everywhere, so
{{{{{{{Suzi}}}}}}}
Dear, you are in a world of hurt. I think you'd better go see tdoc.
Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"