major trigs(pls dont kick me off the brd
Find a Conversation
major trigs(pls dont kick me off the brd
| Sat, 11-19-2005 - 7:45am |
every day that i've been alone i have moved the furniture in front of my bedroom door & imagine a way to kill myself inside that room.
funny the way the mind works.it has to be inside that room.i can tear up.i can whine but i can't cry.must be the meds,right?
i know i sound scary & i don't mean to be.it's just a fantasy out of control that says i'm depressed.& i should have known it was coming when i was on such a super high,right?
anyway..i have t doc tomorrow & p doc next week & i was doing so well.ok,yeah...pdoc took my prozac out of the picture & maybe that's the culprit but the thing is & maybe maybe there is someone out there who knows how i feel,but i'm actually afraid that i'm going to be struck by acute embarrassment when it comes to sitting there admitting...
i am so depressed that i barracade myself in my room & think of ways to kill myself before its time for the kids to come home from school.i can't read.i can't concentrate.i can't do anything but think of ways to die.
sorry to be such a downer,but i'm scared.
at this point in my therapy i'm simply feeling guilty.there's nothing else anyone can do,you know?
i'm sitting in my(heatless)house & my mother calls & says"i think i'll go to california tomorrow!"& i am thinking i have 3 children & no family & i'm all alone & she says"what's the matter with YOU?" & i can FEEL the accusation in her voice,so i just say,i must be coming down with the flu...& i simply feel all alone.
everyone leaves,ya know?
i'm actally afraid to tell the docs i'm depressed.
my weight isn't dropping & i haven't eaten a carb that isn't a fruit or veg in i don't know how long & the doc is trying to work WITH me on that.i hate to complain & i don't want to go back on the dreaded lithium.
did you ever feel so totally detatched from yourself that you don't even recognise yourself talking to other people?
funny the way the mind works.it has to be inside that room.i can tear up.i can whine but i can't cry.must be the meds,right?
i know i sound scary & i don't mean to be.it's just a fantasy out of control that says i'm depressed.& i should have known it was coming when i was on such a super high,right?
anyway..i have t doc tomorrow & p doc next week & i was doing so well.ok,yeah...pdoc took my prozac out of the picture & maybe that's the culprit but the thing is & maybe maybe there is someone out there who knows how i feel,but i'm actually afraid that i'm going to be struck by acute embarrassment when it comes to sitting there admitting...
i am so depressed that i barracade myself in my room & think of ways to kill myself before its time for the kids to come home from school.i can't read.i can't concentrate.i can't do anything but think of ways to die.
sorry to be such a downer,but i'm scared.
at this point in my therapy i'm simply feeling guilty.there's nothing else anyone can do,you know?
i'm sitting in my(heatless)house & my mother calls & says"i think i'll go to california tomorrow!"& i am thinking i have 3 children & no family & i'm all alone & she says"what's the matter with YOU?" & i can FEEL the accusation in her voice,so i just say,i must be coming down with the flu...& i simply feel all alone.
everyone leaves,ya know?
i'm actally afraid to tell the docs i'm depressed.
my weight isn't dropping & i haven't eaten a carb that isn't a fruit or veg in i don't know how long & the doc is trying to work WITH me on that.i hate to complain & i don't want to go back on the dreaded lithium.
did you ever feel so totally detatched from yourself that you don't even recognise yourself talking to other people?

Suzi.
Why ever would we kick you off?