did anyone get really depressed??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2010
did anyone get really depressed??
10
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 10:22am

today is 8 days no contact, after my reset.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 10:44am

Hi, Wishes -

You've had a history of depression so you're familiar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 11:25am

After Ending the A, I went into the deepest depression I have ever known.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 11:54am

Oh, Wishes. I have the deepest of compassion for you. You were so wise to go to the doctor for some meds to help get you through this. Depression is a horrible, dark, lonely place. I've been there. I've have felt terribly depressed at times this past couple of months. I think I may have broken through that dark curtain, but I am ever so watchful for the signs in case I need to pay my physician a visit.

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. The medication is going to help. You know that. You have to hang in there long enough for it to start taking affect. Once that happens, you are going to be able to sort through what's going on inside of you without cumbling into a million pieces.

Therapy is an absolute must for you. Are you actively searching for one? Or is this one of those instances where you know what you should do but can't find the strength/energy/desire to do any of it? For two days I sat in my office with my door closed and my head on my desk. Sobbing. Doing nothing but reading here. I was a basket case. I scared myself. Some how, I found the wherewithall to pick up the phone and make a therapy appointment. I remember having one tiny bit of hope in my soul after I made that call. It was enough to keep me hanging in there until I got to my T appt.

I know exactly what you mean when you describe not even wanting/longing for xAP at the moment. You know that this is really about you. He was simply a cover up for what's hurting you so deep inside. If you are anything like I was, you are in a very scary place in regards to what you know you need to face. But honey, you CAN and WILL do it. There's really no good alternative. You are so worth taking care of. Cry as much as you need to cry. Please try to eat a little something. Go for peaceful walks when you can. Getting some form of exercise really, really helps. When you are so far down, PHYSICALLY STAND UP. Jump up and down a few times, even. I'm serious. Get the blood flowing through your body and your mind focused--however briefly--on something else. I know how depression feeds on itself and it is a horrible, horrible cycle.

Wishes, please keep posting. Keep having faith. Keep believing in yourself. Find a good book--humorous or captivating--to take your mind off what's going on right now. Distract yourself long enough for the meds to kick in and to get to a therapy appointment. I know you know how this depression thing works. You have to literally MAKE yourself get up, get dressed, smile, move, whatever. So do it. Fake it until you make it, because you WILL make it.

I am here, holding you so tight in my arms, sweetie.

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2010
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 9:38pm

Wishes, I am right behind you with the ending of my A almost 48 looong hours ago. Can't sleep or eat

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 10:42pm

Need Out and Wishes,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through...Keep pushing through, it does get easier and quicker than you think if you stick to NC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 11:14pm

I was there, Wishing.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 1:46pm

Oh big hugs from me, if it would help ease the hurt...I do understand and feel your pain which you have described perfectly. Keep on with the meds and remember the famous words of Shakespeare..."This, too, shall pass."

Love from me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 7:38pm
Wishes...thinking of you and wrapping my arms around you for a big, virtual hug. The first time I ended my A, I was most certainly depressed. Therapy helped...and it`s cliche to say it, but take baby steps and every day at a time. When exAP told me that he missed me and couldn`t live without me, it felt like my lifeline was given back to me and away we went for a second go at the A! I wish I knew then, what I know now...to stay far, far away! But I had to learn for myself that he was fire and would hurt me.

This last time for me, I would say I was numb. I knew my exAP for 12 years, had the A for almost 2 (broke up at twice during that time, but neither break up lasted very long), had a D day about 2 weeks before my dad became critically ill and passed away. 5 days after my dad`s funeral, my a*$ of an exAP ended the A.

It took a while and there were many days before I felt ``normal`` again but you will get there. Be kind to yourself. Listen to the advice on here. Read lots and lots, especially in the healing library and when you need the support, post on here. I`m so sorry you are having to go down this road. It really feels like someone punched you in the gut...reach out to us when you feel like the wind has been knocked out. HUGS!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 7:54pm

((hugs))

I feel like I have been battling depression since the middle of my affair ... I am not sure if I am through the depths of it yet, but I feel your pain. One thing that is helping me is to set a couple very attainable goals for myself each day. Such things as returning calls, or booking appointments. Things I tend to avoid.

I also have shared with my closest friends my feelings of depression, and I have given them specific suggestions of how to help. For instance: telephone call me, ask me when I have eaten, if I make plans & try and cancel them - don't accept it and come and get me. These may seem silly, but my BFF knows when I am acting from a place of depression, and when I am just needing space. If there are signs that you are "going down hill", I suggest talking to someone you trust about how you are feeling, and developing strategies that might help you in the short term - until meds and/or therapy have a chance to "kick in". It is SO hard when you are depressed to DO ANYTHING, I totally get that. For me, picking up the phone becomes another chore that I simply can't accomplish ... that's why I need people who know me well enough to recognize my red-flags.

And like Clarity shared, the depression in my A was triggered by other unresolved/unidentified trauma issues. I completely bottomed out and had thoughts of suicide. Thankfully I told my H, and we developed an emotional safety plan.

All this to say, you're not alone and we all want to see you get the right kind of support ASAP. You've listed some very serious signs that you're not feeling well, and I am so worried about you having to back to work feeling so vulnerable. No wonder your anxiety is swirling around you.

WE believe in you. You can do this, but YOU have to take control of your health right now. Start by having something to eat Wishes, even a shake or smoothy. It is impossible to feel balanced with your blood sugar all over the place. Even those instant nutritional drinks will help.

With Care,

TU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2010
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 7:56pm

I cannot thank those of you who responded with such encouragement and support to this post. It has made a difference to have your strength and experience behind me, and to know that some of you have been here and survived.