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| Tue, 11-22-2005 - 1:30pm |
i am so not in a good place right now. tdoc let me kind of go where i wanted to go and then somehow she managed to get me around to not only my dad, but also dd's biodad and that whole situation.
it wasn't a totally wasted hour though. i was able to identify some things that have been contributing to my depression but i couldn't pinpoint 'til now. like how dd feels towards me for keeping her from meeting biodad sooner, or even if she fully understands (which i'm not sure i do) why i didn't marry him when i had the chance. it could be guilt on my part or i might be picking up on something that she hasn't voiced yet. she meets with tdoc tonight and tdoc said we'd discuss it together, if i am up to it.
i also realized why biodad giving dd her first driving lesson was such a big deal to me personally. my dad gave me my first driving lesson and a lot of other things that a dad does as well.
i left there feeling extremely vulnerable, but before i left i gave her the one knife i still have in my possession. she was glad i did as she knows the next few months aren't easy for me at all.
just wanted to give you all an update. now i have to resolve myself to keeping it under control for work. for those of you who i won't "see" here until after the holiday, have a happy and safe Thanksgiving. thank you all for your love and support. i am definitely thankful for that.
love,
traci



oh Traci....I'm sure none of this feels good right now.
God could not be everywhere, so
Donna's right...I think we've all btdt...the feeling guilt over some huge life decision...I know I do still to this day...but it cannot be changed, and so I go on...
Just get through the day...that's all you have to do right now...just get through today...
I know it SUCKS to hear, but it will get better...
Love and Hugs,
Keli