confused, angry and depressed...trigs
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| Tue, 11-29-2005 - 10:08am |
i feel like i've lost total control over my life. last night my ds wanted to go to a friend's house again. i told him ok, just be home in time for supper. when he gets home, i'm finishing cooking and he informs me he ate at his friends house. i pretty much lost it. i've been having problems with him but at his age, i figured it was par for the course. he's taken it to a new level and i'm not equipped right now to deal with it. he's like never home anymore. during the week he sleep's here and that's about it. on the weekends, he's never here.......always at this friend's or that one's. and when i put my foot down and say no he engages me in an argument or begs and begs and won't shut up when i tell him it's in his best interest to do so. then he pushes me too far and i lose it and fly into a rage. and lately, i'm flying into the rages quicker. i'm still able to remove myself from where he is,



((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Traci))))))))))))))))))))))))
ok, here's my 2cents for whatever its worth right now.
ds is everywhere else right now b/c he knows you are in a bad place right now and wants to give you space, and probably doesn't want to be around....for fear of the rages.
dd...well she's a girl, of corse she wants to help.
God could not be everywhere, so
Traci,
I agree with Donna whole heartedly...you have GOT to find control...and since its out of reach right now, you need HELP to do so...call your PDOC and tell him the meds are NOT working...they're not, you know...and you are suffering needlessly...more needlessly than you are really aware right now...You don't have to keep feeling like this...its gone on waaaaay too long now. When I was this bad off, I kept calling my pdoc over and over until they got the meds RIGHT and I started getting some relief. You kept telling me to do it too! Now, its your turn...you can't beat BP all on your own...right now, its kicking your butt! We cannot let it win...period.
You don't wanna, can't, go IP...fine...but you have to stay on your PDOC about your meds...the ones you are on aren't working...
Your ds is a growing boy...he's going to be gone a lot...mine is too...he's never home either...its part of life...and he is picking up on your moods, how you're doing, etc.
You have to pick up the pieces here...one by one...and the very first step is getting on the right meds...
As for moving on...well, you're not going to be able to do that until you're stable...period. Once you are, then you can begin to move on...right now, there are a million thoughts going on in your head (which the BP LOVES!) and you can't get the thoughts to even SETTLE down...let alone LEAVE...
You can do this...
Love you
Keli
Traci,
You do really need to call your doctors.