My triggers...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
My triggers...
2
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 1:09pm

I've been doing really well lately...up to 200 mgs of the Lamictal and it is sooo helping me...my depression is completely gone...as I hoped it would be once I got up to this dose...

As everyone knows one of my biggest triggers are my parents...well, today is not a good day where they are concerned...and of course, me being the only one they turn to all the time, I get the phone calls. They are having some pretty major financial problems right now...my dad works, my mom is only on disability, SSDI. So she doesn't really get much. Her meds alone cost $300 or more every month. They have rent, the other usual bills, one or two credit card bills, car payments, insurance, etc. Some of their bills got behind, so they got overdrawn at the bank, which we all know ends up costing a fortune to straighten back out. ANYWAY, today my Dad's shed got repoed...my mom was the only one home and she doesn't deal well with anything like this...they were going to take the shed with all its contents...(they were real jerks!!!). So she called my Dad, and he came home and got all the stuff out...then later on she gets this phone call from a bill collector saying they were a lawyer's office and needed a debit card number by 4:00 today to pay something in the amount of like $400. Yeah, right. So, that upset her really bad too...so she's been crying all day...

I told her that things will get better...that she has to try to think of the positive things...that compared to some people, we have a lot...and its just money...just material things...she says she is tired of it all...I said, so am I...so are a LOT of people I know right now...she says she hates that my Dad has to worry about it all.

I hate that they have to go through it too...but I've BTDT too...I can't do anything for them to change this or their situation...its all I can do to BARELY keep my own family's head above water.

I don't want to NOT be there for my parents...I'm the one who is ALWAYS there...and I do mean ALWAYS...but for once, I would just like to NOT be there...and that makes me feel so guilty...but ever since this happened, I've been a basket case...anxious as hell and my thoughts are racing...I don't know what to do. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't tell them to leave me alone...I just can't. But I really want to. Isn't that horrible?

I feel like the adult and I'm the child. I just want to live MY life...and not listen every day to my mom crying because she is so horribly depressed, lonely and miserable. I just don't. Then I think about Tina, and at least I have my mom to talk to on the phone.

I just need some distance and I will never have it...ever.

Its so disheartening. I want my mom to be happy again. But her situation isn't going to change. So I try to do what I can to make her happy...by visiting, talking on the phone SEVERAL times every single day, when I wish I didn't have to...trying to be positive and get her to thinking positively.

Its not fair...to her, me, my dad...any of us. Probably her most of all. And that's why I'm stuck between and rock and a hard place.

Sorry this is so long, I just needed to vent. I need a break. I don't know how to get one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 3:15pm

(((((((((((((((((((Keli)))))))))))))))))))))))))))


Now I know why you haven't

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 3:43pm

mom called earlier and was in a better mood...it was okay again for a while...lol.

nobody can really do anything...i just needed to get it all out...

love you too...

p.s. i really am okay!

:)