i'm manic... please help
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i'm manic... please help
| Thu, 12-01-2005 - 2:53pm |
hi, my name is anna. i'm sixteen and bipolar. i was diagnosed just over a year ago, and in the past two years i have been hospitalized six times. at first they thought i had severe depression with psychotic effects, but then they raised my zoloft and i went manic and crashed. there was the first hospitalization. after a while (it really helped once my mom researched family history... my dad's uncle is schitzophrenic (sp?) and his cousin, his cousin's dad, and another cousin's son are all bipolar). after cycling a lot and after several hospitalizations (the first psychiatrist at the hospital insisted that i was mildly depressed and was psychotic, but that it was subconsiosly (sp?) to get attention. i was so angry) i was put on lithium. it started working, i left the hospital, went manic, and was rehospitalized a week later. then i was put on depakote. i've had a couple of hospitalizations since then, but mostly i've been stable. however, school was too much for me... (i missed 6 wks freshman year, 6 weeks sophomore year... spent six months on crutches... and still kept a's and b's... even though i was at a college prep school. but i started missing school this year, and i had to drop out. thankfully i had turned sixteen so it was an option. otherwise i would have had to switch to a public school so that i could be homebound. i've had a hard time with it though, according to duke university tip program, i'm in the top 1% of the top 5% intelligence wise. school has always been my life). now i have had to come off depakote... (i was having too many side effects... i had gained 50 lbs in the past year... thankfully i was underweight to start with... not by choice, it's genetic... now i weigh 160 and i'm 5'8. i was also having major cognitive slowing.) i am now switching to lamictal. but depakote increases the intensity of lamictal, so first i had to come completely off of depakote, and now i'm starting lamictal. but it won't start working for about a month... and i'm already as high as a kite. i'm also on a pretty heavy dose of risperdol, celexa (i'm almost always severely depressed... i could count on my fingers how many times i've been manic... usually i swap between severe depression and hypomania) cogentin and seroquel to "sedate" me. normally 50 milligrams will knock me out all day. currently i am on 50 in the morning, 50 in the afternoon and 75 at night. and i'm not even sleepy. as i said, i'm as high as a kite. i'm not sleeping much, either. here's the problem. pretty much every time i have been manic i have crashed and ended up in the hospital on a psych ward. i'm not sure i could stand that again. the last time i was there, 3 girls shattered a toilet, started cutting themselves with the pieces, running up and down screaming and trying to kick down the doors. needless to say, the staff was going beserk trying to restrain and sedate them. the nurse told me that it was the worst group of girls she had ever seen. and from knowledge from previous visits, that's saying something. you couldn't walk down the hall without stepping in blood. of course while this was going on they locked all the patients in their rooms, but i had just arrived and was sitting in the hall waiting to get a room. of course no one had the time to deal with me. i had nightmares for months. i really am not sure that i could do it again. so i was wondering if anyone had suggestions for how to control my mania until the meds start working. thanks in advance. anna.

whew...that was a lot and I can't believe I kept up with you !!!
I don't have much experience with the very hi's and low's like most everyone else does. mine just goes from really depressed to just ok...mine are more anger then anything.
I know there are others on the board that will be able to relate.
Is there an outpatient program you can do so you don't have to ip?
God could not be everywhere, so
Hi Anna...I've been exactly where you are...my BP is a lot like you describe...or at least it used to be...I've been hospitalized 4 times myself in the last 4 years...I get the really high manics and the really severe depressions too...suicidal, psychotic breaks, the whole nine yards...it sucks. And for you, to be so young, I feel for you. I was BP at your age, but I had NO IDEA! I went through lots and lots of BS in my life because I just didn't know what was wrong with me. At least you have the knowledge to know what's going on, even if it doesn't feel like it now.
I've been on the meds you're on...when I get REALLY manic, my pdoc always gives me Seroquel, about 200-300 mgs a day...it usually knocks it out within a few days...I hope it will for you too.
Lamictal has been my saving grace. It took a long time to "work" but once I got up to 200 mgs of it, I feel like a whole new person...stable...depression is under control...no more mood swings...went from taking 2-3 1mg Ativan a day to none some days, and only 1 on other days...I really really LOVE Lamictal.
You can do it, honey...hang tough...rest as much as possible...sleep is what you need...sleep deprivation feeds the mania and causes it to get worse, hence the cycle...we don't sleep, we get manic, we can't sleep.
Keep in touch with us, post anytime about anything...we're here for you!
Love and Hugs,
Keli
hi anna...
i hear you big time on how scary the hospital can be.