Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tracey
5
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 8:46am

Hey...how are you? Just wanted to check in with you this morning and see how you were doing...I'm okay. In pain. But okay... :) Sucks though...

So, what's up with you today? And for the weekend?

How is your mood holding up?

Love you,

keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 9:17am

Now I'm getting a bit blah feeling...dang it...wish i could use the words i really wanna use!!!

I can NOT take my BP acting up, along with this stupid RA CRAP! I just can't.

I'm tired...I'm bored...I'm blah...I'm sick of hurting...

I'm tired of dreading everything...like simple errands...taking Mike places, just driving him for chrissakes...

I want to do something stupid...that's what I want to do...but you and I both know I won't...not now, after all this time. Still is what I want.

:( How can I be cycling so fast again??? Its just not fair...

Okay, enough whining...




Edited 12/2/2005 9:19 am ET by keli003
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 9:54am

It keeps getting worse!!! I'm so depressed now...it hit me so hard and fast I don't know what to do...is it from the pain, is it from the meds?

I can't stand it...I cannot STAND it.

I want to go home, but I can't...and I have to sit here all day. I am not working right now and so don't plan on doing much.

Its not crying depression...Its angry, I hate life, what's the point depression.

Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid...I hate BP...I wish I had just one PENNY for every time I've said that.

I'm agitated too...must be a mixed kind of thing...

Oh well, you don't need to hear all this crap...I just need to talk to someone...I can't sit here all quiet and still...but that's all i WANT to do...my brain is like split...ugh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: keli003
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 9:58am

Hey you!

First of all, don't start thinking that your mood going down is the start of another episode. You are in physical pain which affects your mood. Plus, you have all the holiday stress, which your son isn't helping. Of course, that IS kind of their jobs LOL!

You've had a LOT of stress lately, especially with family. I don't think it is your BP cycling you, I think it is normal situational stress.

When is your appt with the RA Specialist?

I'm doing pretty well. Didn't get a lot of sleep last night, of course I was pleasantly being distracted so I can't complain . Still working a little on wedding details but mostly concentrating on Xmas and Bdays until after the Holidays and then we are going to go like crazy people.

Mike and I finally had a heart to heart last night about work. I think I finally got through to him!! So, Monday is the big day for him to start hitting Temp agencies. THANK GOD!

Work came through for me, even though they don't know it. They DID pay me for Thanksgiving, so I have the rent money. THANK GOD! I was SO stressed about it and thinking I was going to have to use one of those paycheck advance services that charge you minimum of 10% and fees. I used one once before and it was NOT a fun experience! Now we have the rent plus about $100 for the week. I had to do a pre-dated phone check the other day for the electric company so they left our service on, that comes out of next week's check, but that will be a full check so I will still have over $200 for the week. Then, the next week I get child support, which will pay for Xmas, and will still have 3 paychecks to cover rent. SO, I am actually going to be ok this month, I do believe. Plus, as I told Mike last night during our talk, even if he got a part-time job making $8 it would be a HUGE benefit for us because most of that money would be gravy. What I make really CAN and DOES cover the bills, but only if he quits smoking and we never do anything fun....which is NOT going to happen soon.

Overall, obviously, I am ok. Still a lot of aches and blahs from the neck, but it's manageable.

Love
T

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 10:25am

I know...I know...I just don't like all this...I'm being a big baby...but it sucks...the physical pain is bad...but whatever...

I'm glad your job came through!!! That is such a relief, I know...I have used the paycheck thingy before and they aren't fun at all...and expensive...but as a last resort...

I'm glad you finally had a talk with Mike too...I had one with Eric too, but it was about my pain, and all...he's so good to me. I depend on him so much...he told me I was his best friend in the world, and he would do anything for me. I can pay all our bills too, with money left over, when I am caught up...what he makes is all extra too. He's gotten more work lately, and after the holidays it always picks up.

My son does drive me nuts...I hate teenagers. He's going to spend the night with a friend tonight...I have to drive him a lot to get him there, but it will be worth it...then he has practice again in the morning at 10:30...

I plan on doing nothing this weekend but resting, after I get him home from practice...I don't plan on talking to my mom a whole lot either...I think they are going somewhere Sunday, I hope they do. That will be good for her to get out...

I need relief...my appt isn't until January 13. So, 6 weeks away...

I'm glad you're doing okay...

Love you

k

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: keli003
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 11:06am

Keli:

Don't EVER, and I mean EVER, apologize to me for telling me what is going on with you. The ONLY time I get upset with you is when you DON'T tell me!!

Hang in there, I still think a LOT of it is situational. You are dealing with a LOT.

If the pain stays bad, Go Home. Bill will have to understand. Otherwise, just stay at work and make yourself as comfortable as possible and don't worry about what you do or do not get done. If your hands are hurting, get that coffee mug of hot water. If it is your feet, put something on them, even if it is just a sweater or something you have lying around.

I'm glad you finally talked to Eric about your pain. He loves you very very much. I know you have a hard time accepting that someone could love you so much and that you DO deserve it and more, but he does and you ABSOLUTELY deserve it.

Keep talking to me if it is helping. I'll keep checking in.

Love
T