unable to deal - trigs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
unable to deal - trigs
11
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 9:51am

i've been trying and trying and trying to figure out a way out of this mess, or even what all is contributing to it. everything comes to me so sporadically that i can't keep up with it long enough to write it down.


i talked to tdoc 3 times yesterday and pdoc once. pdoc adjusted my seroquel again and said if that doesn't work he is adding lithium........not taking me off anything else. wtf??????? 300 mgs of wellbutrin, back up to 1200 mgs of trileptal (he changed that one too), back to 350 mgs of seroquel, 50 of trazodone. i'm on more than enough meds and he wants to add more?! i'm sick of meds. they aren't working so why not just pile more on.


tdoc made me promise her on the phone that i would call her not only 1 time a day but twice now. but i think that's part of my problem. i feel like i'm being babysat. people keeping tabs on me. ya know? i know its her job and that she cares and all that, but it makes me feel like a failure because i can't keep it together.


i got to thinking this morning about it more. i just plain can't handle life anymore. i've been going full speed for so long and i've finally run out of track. my job, my school, my mother, and most important my kids, all rely on me to perform up to and/or above par. and for years i've done it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 2:38pm

Traci:

I know I don't post much to anyone except Keli, but I do lurk a bit and have been reading your posts. You NEED to go I/P. It isn't a matter of "this might help" but "this will save your life". I know you don't feel like life is worth saving anymore, but it isn't just YOUR life. It is your children's life also. Once you get stable, you will realize just how valuable your life is. Why your tdoc and pdoc haven't MADE you go I/P is beyond me. The longer you delay doing this and getting your meds straightened out and yourself stable the harder it will be. Please, for your children's sake, your family's sake, and most importantly YOUR sake, GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND CHECK IN! You will probably be there a week or less. Maybe 2. It is SO worth the time and investment. Please.

Tracey

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