Having a hard time-triggers

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Having a hard time-triggers
5
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 10:53am

First of all, thank you all for your support yesterday. I really appreciate it.

I know this probably isn't the right board to discuss this on but, I couldn't find a support board for this subject and I am having a really hard time right now. I have been thinking alot about my ex-husband lately and last night I thought about something that happened when we were married....My ex invited some friends over to play cards and drink. I decided to join and I drank way too much. I passed out and awoke to his friend having sex with me and then my ex had sex with me. I tried to get them off of me but, I was too drunk or they were too strong. I remember my ex telling me to sssh and that it was okay. He kept telling me to close my eyes and that he loved me (puke, puke). When I woke up the next day I was naked in my bed. I confronted my husband and he told me it never happened and that I drank too much. Well, I know it happened. I just remember little bits and pieces. I keep having flashbacks of what happened. I'm so embarassed. I feel guilty because I drank too much. I never wanted that to happen. I'll never forget what happened. I trusted my ex-husband. Never in a million years did I think he would do something like that, but he did. I guess you can live with people for so many years and not really know them, ya know? Thanks for listening - Jena

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 11:00am

Yeah, I'm not sure if there's a board on here for that or not.

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 12:15pm

Jena,

You were abused. Horribly. You may be experiencing symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and there IS a board for that. You REALLY need a tdoc too. The cl over at the PTSD board is really wonderful and she can help you understand some of what is going on with you.

Its located under the Health and Well Being section, under Psychology.

PTSD is a scary thing...the flashbacks, the guilt...but listen to me, please...YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! You were sexually abused by someone you cared about. You could NOT stop it, and you couldn't have done differently.

Please seek help. We're here for you.

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 12:17pm

Keli


didn't even think of that....great idea !!!

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 12:22pm
Thanks for your response. Often times I wonder if I was drugged. It sure seems like it when I look back. I don't think I miss him so much as I miss being married. Our marriage was an absolute disaster and I know I shouldn't miss it. I guess as messed up as it is I miss having a man in my life. But, the next time I have a man in my life I want him to be a strong christian, treat me with respect, not take advantage of me and be understanding of my illness. I have a lot of healing to do before anything like that happens though. I know I am in an unhealthy way right now of missing being married and I will talk to my therapist about it. I see her next week. I've never talked about this before to anyone. My therapist knows about the other stuff that went on in my marriage, but not about this. I guess it's time to break the silence. Thanks as always for listening. I hope you are doing well. Take Care, Jena
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 1:43pm
Kelli - Thank you so much for your caring words. I think you are right. I think I need to talk to my therapist about all this. I hope you are feeling better. Take Care, Jena