***KELI?***

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
***KELI?***
3
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 12:02pm

Hey you! How are you doing? Let me know what is going on and how you are feeling!

Love you
Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 8:40am

Hey Tracey,

I'm not well...but the other post details it...i'm just tired, and depressed, and hurting, and sick, and well, plain tired of it all.

I am tired of having to be strong...I just don't want to do it anymore.

I'm ready to go score some painkillers from somewhere and take them, and feel nothing.

Going to mom's today at 4, and I want to see my cat...how pathetic am i?

My son is a brat and he's spoiled and I really don't like him sometimes...but then i think if i'm not around anymore, then he and his dad totally wouldn't make it cuz they REALLY don't get along.

I'm sorry...just don't feel good today. I'll be okay. Gotta take some more freaking Tylenol and pray for a miracle...

My knuckles are getting really crooked too...what am I going to do??? I have to have my hands to work.

Ugh. I may not be able to make it all day here today. Almost didn't come again, but couldn't stand the thought of laying in bed all day again.

Love you...and don't worry, I'll be fine. Just a bad time right now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 9:53am

Hey

I AM worried...you have been in a lot of pain for so long now. I'm glad you called the GPs office. Maybe your parents can help you with getting the rx filled.

Keep on the GP - they need to help you. I don't know enough about RA to really give you any advice except hang in there.

As for the crying and screaming - go for it. When you get home climb into bed, grab your pillow, and scream and cry all you want. You deserve to get that out. Oh, and STOP HIDING THIS - you need to keep open about what is going on with Eric. He needs to realize just how serious this is. Yes, he does a lot to help you know, but he doesn't do too much. That's what he is there for - to help you. As for needing your hands to type - they can get you special equipment to help you continue to do your work - you know that. Make them do it.

Don't give up yet, you WILL make it.

Love you
T

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 10:13am

it just sucks...plain and simple...but I will hang in there as long as I have to...don't have much choice...

i keep thinking of the future...and i really shouldn't do that...but i can't help it...now especially with my fingers getting all crooked...i can't open medicine bottles very well either...

i hate to be a "complainer"...so when eric asks me how i am, i hate to say, ......., so i just say, i'll be okay...or i'm not feeling well, but i'll be okay.

i dunno.

i'm sick of being in bed...i'm sick of HAVING to be in bed, or on the couch...or holding on to things to walk, or pulling myself up my stairs to get up to my room...or even sometimes crawling up them, if the pain and stiffness are too bad. i keep saying why me? and i know i shouldn't...that that only makes the depression worse...i'm off my prozac, and maybe i should be back on it, but i really don't want to, because my cycling is much less without it...(the manic ones anyway...).

my pdoc is off today, but on monday i'm calling to see if i can up my lamictal.

oh tracey...if its not one thing its 50 million.

*trying not to feel too sorry for myself*

love you