did i do something dumb?????
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did i do something dumb?????
| Fri, 12-09-2005 - 1:09pm |
keep in mind that this is the first time since i'm 16 that i have a tdoc & a pdoc that i trust(& they know eachother)
oh...i'm 44...so that's a long time w/...well...there were some freaks i actually paid to make me well.
so..i'm supposed to be in daily contact w/ my pdoc since i've been feeling out of control to say the least.
not sleeping AND...i have an appt w/ tdoc tomorrow....my usual first response to misbehaving is how i'm going to lie my way out of it.
it's a first response!
the second one is how i'm going to AVOID the truth.
the third is the realization that i can tell the truth.
so i was so upset that i emailed pdoc how depressed i am & how verbally abusive i am to my children & how i think i could actually kill my own husband & how this depression is so painful that the only way i can acheive control is to be out of control & how i'm indulging in old behavior that isn't destructive but has to do with giving my money away & it FEELS BEYOND MY CONTROL...
now it's ok that i said all this here...you don't know mw.
but is it ok that i told my doc all that.
you really have to understand this is the 1st normal doc i've encountered in a long time(& many of you know what i mean)
maybe its the depression but i'm having terrible paranoia
how can i be taking all these meds NOT sleeping AND DOING SO BADLY??????????
oh...i'm 44...so that's a long time w/...well...there were some freaks i actually paid to make me well.
so..i'm supposed to be in daily contact w/ my pdoc since i've been feeling out of control to say the least.
not sleeping AND...i have an appt w/ tdoc tomorrow....my usual first response to misbehaving is how i'm going to lie my way out of it.
it's a first response!
the second one is how i'm going to AVOID the truth.
the third is the realization that i can tell the truth.
so i was so upset that i emailed pdoc how depressed i am & how verbally abusive i am to my children & how i think i could actually kill my own husband & how this depression is so painful that the only way i can acheive control is to be out of control & how i'm indulging in old behavior that isn't destructive but has to do with giving my money away & it FEELS BEYOND MY CONTROL...
now it's ok that i said all this here...you don't know mw.
but is it ok that i told my doc all that.
you really have to understand this is the 1st normal doc i've encountered in a long time(& many of you know what i mean)
maybe its the depression but i'm having terrible paranoia
how can i be taking all these meds NOT sleeping AND DOING SO BADLY??????????

I think its great that you finally have docts you can trust...that is a huge thing.
God could not be everywhere, so
nope, not dumb at all, you were being honest and that's exactly what you needed to do...let this pdoc help you...and the only way you can do that, is to be honest with him...hang in there.
love and hugs,
keli