newbie here

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
newbie here
6
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 9:35pm

Well I am a newbie here and I am looking for someone to listen. I was diagnosed with BP about 5 yrs ago and it has been so hard. I lost my job in August, so I lost my insurance and have been with out meds since then. I am pretty good are dealing with it and reconizing when things are changing but, The past month has been real trying for me. I was doing real well up until then. It all started when my 70 yrs old father moved in with my husband and I a month ago. Dont get me wrong I love him but he is always on the go and expects everyone else to be too, especially younger people. Then I saw a little bit hop light. My husband and I were planning a 3 wk trip to minnesota for the holidays. We are too spend it with his brother's family, which I like them very much. We were going to take out 2 dogs. But come to find out the are a bit nervous about us bring them casue they have a dog as well and plus they have a small house. My step son is flying out there as well to meet us too. My dad does not want to watch my dogs as he does not have the patients for them.

So with all of this I have decided to stay home for xmas and let my hubby go. After all It is the season to give, so I decided to let them have a stressless holiday so they wont have to feel put out cause of my dogs. Plus it is my hubby's brother not mine. They should be together. The bad thing is that Iwas sooooo looking forward to getting away. I checked into a kennel and they want around $378 for the time we are to be gone. We cant afford that and the trip as well. I know i am doing the right thing but why do I feel so bad. I have lied to my hubby and told him that it is all good and I am ok with it, but deep down I am not. Everytime I start to think about it i just start crying. It just seems that things just get harder and harder. All I want is a break, I just want the mary-go-round to stop just for a while and I want to know what it feels like to have both feet plant firmly on the ground and see the bright blue sky and think that I AM ACTUALLY HAPPY TO BE ALIVE! Just once.

I thank you all for giving me the time to let some of the junk out of my head.

[url=http://www.forum-signatures.com][img]http://www.forum-signatures.com/wizard/Sigs/2010/final130219095588.jpg[/img][/url]
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: lil_lou
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 8:24am

OH sweeetie... you're so amazing for doing that for your dh...but its heart breaking, I know. I wish there were a way you could go too...that just doesn't seem fair.

As for being BP and the struggle, boy do we EVER know how you feel. Some days its all I can do to get out of bed...but somehow we DO, and somehow we make it...I wish I knew how, so I could tell everyone with BP how...

I'm glad you're here...we're a very loving, very close little group...we understand what everyone is going through...and we are here for you. Please feel free to talk and vent and cry and scream as much as you want, okay?

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: lil_lou
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 8:30am

hello and welcome !!!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
In reply to: lil_lou
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 9:29am

I can't thank you all enought for making me feel welcome. The past few days have been so rough i just don't know where to begin. I was up until 4am agian. I am not sleeping. I think the hardest thing for me is trying to hide the pain from everyone, just so they will be all ok and have a stress-less xmas. My father is downstairs watching t.v. so i can get away with crying while I type this. Since we planned on not being here for xmas we dont even have a tree or decoration up. Maybe it might of seemed like xmas if I had it all up, but now I cant be bothered with it all. I guess it is official now since I called the vet and canncelled the meds we were to get them for the trip. The real kicker is that this would of been our 1st vacation together that we have ever had since being together for 8yrs.
I know I am on a pitty party, and for that i am sorry. But I have no meds and no support group since losing my insurance. You all here have been the only ones to reply to me and make me feel like someone else cares. I posted on webmd in the bipolar group but no one ever replyed. I thank you all so much. I could just go on for hours typing and talking but nothing would really make any sence cause I am rambeling and my thoughts are not put together at all. If my dad didn't live with us I woulndt even get out of bed but he makes me feel guilty (he isn't doing it to me I am) cause he is 70 and i am 32 and cant seem to function on a day to day basis. It is absolutly Exhausting, mentally and physically, to put on the happy face and act like everything is normal.
I have given it every though on how I could get out there just for a week, but the $$$$ is just not there. We barley have enough saved to even got to MN. Everything is due at the same time. And everything is late as usual. The car pymnts, cable, and omg the elcetric. We live in PA so the heating bill is through the roof. Plus they screwed up my hubbys paycheck lsat friday adn they never paid him. So some bills I paid got returned. My life's motto is...I dont' have good luck, I dont have bad luck, I just have no luck.

thank you all
Huggs
Jo

[url=http://www.forum-signatures.com][img]http://www.forum-signatures.com/wizard/Sigs/2010/final130219095588.jpg[/img][/url]
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: lil_lou
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 9:43am

first and foremost...don't ever be sorry for posting a pitty party...you will see we all have them, and its what this board is for among other things.


Is there any way you can call dh's brother and explain the situation?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: lil_lou
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 9:58am

Jo,

BTDT! My luck is horrid too...my bills are behind...I think its like that for a lot us...I wish so much I could send you with your dh!!! But, we'll just make it Christmas for you anyway!

So....today, I want you to think of something positive about Christmas. I know its not easy...but we can do it together, okay? I was feeling really horrible about the holidays too because of no money. But that isn't what its all about.

Let's do this together. Together nothing is really as dark as it seems, I promise.

So, my one positive thing is that while I can't be with my brother who I love dearly, I can think of him and remember all our past Christmases with a smile. I remember when we were kids, we would be so excited...my parents always shopped on Christmas Eve because they didn't have any money til then...so we waited in the car and watched out the windows to see Santa and his reindeer.

Can you put up ONE decoration today?

You're completely entitled to a pity party, but only if you balance it out with a positive!!! :)

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
In reply to: lil_lou
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 10:05am

No worries abot running on. It is finally nice to have some one to talk to who can relate. I dont want DH's brother to know that I am not coming cause he will insist the we bring the dogs.And as it is their house is very small and they are worried about sammy, their dog, getting along with ours. And I cant expect them to be put out over the holidays over my dogs. We just moved to this area about a year ago and it is a very rural area. I dont have but 2 neighbors and they are close to 70 them selves. Dh's brother hasnt had a xmas with any of his family in 12 yrs. So I rightfully cant take this away from them. It just works out for the best for everyone, with the least amount of hassel. I will just keep praying that eventually that maybe next yr some time I too will get a vacation. Plus I figured that while he is gone for 3 wks I can start looking for some sort of job. It just has been hard for me to keep one longer then a year. Gotta love that Bipolar....it the gift that keeps on giving....lmao

I can't thank you enough for tryig you hardest ot help me find away to get around it but it is just one of those things that there is no getting around it. Anyway I ned to do something or I will sit here all day typing and crying. I will check in later with you all. Thak you all again so much. And warm wishes to you all for a wonderful holiday.

jo

[url=http://www.forum-signatures.com][img]http://www.forum-signatures.com/wizard/Sigs/2010/final130219095588.jpg[/img][/url]